[shamon86]

I was at work today and after coming back from lunch I kept have constant thoughts and urges about suicide. I even looked up how much Xanax it would take to cause an overdose. I took a break and then asked my manager to give me 20 minuets to pull myself together. I tried texting my best friend for some help, but she said she was busy and couldn't talk. I was kind of glad about it because she's pregnant and I didn't want to add more stuff other mind.

So I texted her husband, which looking back on it was a pretty crappy thing to do. But he's been thru these kinds of things before (although, it's sounding to me like he hadn't had the exact same feelings). I don't think he was understanding what I was saying though. I was trying to get him to talk me down a ledge, where I think he was trying to think about more long term solution. He says that I should try to find things that should make me happy and focus on those. He said that until I find those things he doesn't know how to help me.
I had a breakdown at work and asked to leave early. The only thing I told the manager ( in between sobs) was I needed to not be there right now. He agreed and let me go.
I've since calmed down a little since then but my thoughts are still there. They were MUCH more intense at work.

How do I stop these thoughts? I can't get any relief from my friends and I don't want to keep bugging my T cause I already email her too much as it is. Do you find that distracting yourself works better? Talking to someone and if who.

[Pierro]

If you feel you are going to hurt yourself I would go to E.R. immediately.

[gayleggg]

First, I agree with Pierro, go to the ER if you feel you are going to hurt yourself.

When I've had such feelings I found just being in the room with a safe person helps. I've found talking to people who haven't ever felt like that does no good. They can't comprehend how it feels. I would get the number of a crisis hotline and keep it close at hand. And if you can get in to see your counselor would even be better. Stay safe.

[Clara22]

you said that your thoughts are much more intense when you are at the work place, is that work place very stressful? in addition to the suicidal thoughts, do you feel overwhelmed? I am asking you because those thoughts come to me at home and I feel overwhelmed in addition to suicidal

[Pierro]

Originally Posted by Clara22

you said that your thoughts are much more intense when you are at the work place, is that work place very stressful? in addition to the suicidal thoughts, do you feel overwhelmed? I am asking you because those thoughts come to me at home and I feel overwhelmed in addition to suicidal

I feel the same way Clara, Although I have tough times at work but I find work actually quite distracting. It's at home in the evenings and nights that I seem to fall apart.

[shamon86]

I think the thoughts are more intense at work because I feel that a) it's one of my biggest triggers, and b) beacuse it's the only place I think I could actually do it. I don't want to do something at home and then have my family come by and find me, If that makes sense. I thought about going to the hospital, I just don't know how that's gonna go, I don't want my family to know I'm having all these thoughts and problems and I probably won't be allowed to have my cell phone and I don't want them to know where I am. I just don't want them to come and pity me, and then my dad would freak out and hold me hostage at his house... it's just not something I would look forward to. I wanted to talk to my friends about this so they will help me, but everyone has their own stuff going on. I tried talking to my T I called her today and emailed her last night and haven't heard from her. I spent 5 minutes in the restroom today with a blade trying to decide what I wanted to do. I couldn't do it then, but I cut the crap out of my wrist. I just don't see an end to all this crap and everyone says it will keep getting better but I only feel like it's gotten worse. I have no idea how it got this bad.

[Martek]

I'm sorry he was just trying to "fix" the problem, I get that a lot from friends and family, they want to go to long term solutions and don't seem to recognize true crisis troubles. Sometimes you need to look at things short term and try to survive the day, thinking about next week can be to much.