[Fossilizedtreesap]

I really don't know if Im depressed or not.

It's all just happened so fast and I feel so lost in it. I've been talking to my mom and a lady on campus and they believe I'm getting better, but I think I might be getting worse.

I was really sick recently and in really bad shape. I still feel that I am, just not so much physically anymore.

I've been questioning wether this is the college that I should be at, wether this is the calling God has truly called me to. (I hope I don't offend anyone I go to a christian college and I thought God had called me to Childrens Ministry)

I just don't know anymore. I look around and I see the passion that everyone else has, and I feel so inadequate. I just want to go home.

I want to go to my room and stay in my bed. I see no future for me. What can I do? I would be of no help to anyone.

I wan't to drop out of college, but I can't becuase of my parents medical insurance. I have to be a full time student.

I think I might go home though next semester and do online courses. It'd be cheaper. And I wouldn't have to listen to stupid girls on the hall laughing. It just makes me cry.

I couldn't ever kill myself. Not becuase Im scared of dying or what God would think of me(he is a forgiving God). It is because I could never hurt my mom like that. I think that is the only thing that keeps me from ever hurting myself. But when Im in a car sometimes I wish, I just wish somethign would happen...

[jacq10]

((((hugs))))

I'm sorry you are feeling so confused right now. I myself am a first year at university, so trust me when i say i completely understand what you mean, especially by the screaming girls in the hall ... some days i just hide in my room at cry.
As far as the depression goes .. i wouldn't be surprised if you are feeling this way, esp right now. I'm assuming this is a different environment for you, as well as the millions of people that you dont know walking around by you every day. Just that can be enough to make someone upset. Do you have any close friends in your rez that you can talk to or have a good time with? Try and hang in there ... you can do it. I know its hard, and it may seem really lonely at time .. heck even all of the time ... but try and stay close with those that you trust, they are there for you, and it is those relationships that are going to help you through this. Are you far from home?? Try and stay positive doing the things that you enjoy, or even just try and stay busy so that you dont necessarily have as much time to think about things.
I hope that you find what you are looking for, and by the way, welcome to PC! You really have come to a great stop, and there are lots of supportive people here. Feel free to message me whenever if you ever want/need someone to talk to. i feel as though we may be in a similar boat, so i might be able to help.

[Fossilizedtreesap]

I thought I had friends, but I've realized I really don't.

I mean yeah sometimes we do stuff, but they have other friends. Does that make sense?

I end up eating alone almost everytime so now I just eat in my room or don't eat.

And I've found myself sleeping a whole lot. I know I shouldn't sleep as much as I do, but I do it any way.

I just feel so dead inside and don't want to do anything.

I still get up and go to class, but I have to really force myself to do it. I guess the only reason I do go to class is becuase Im the one paying for it.

I just want to go home...

[constant10]

All schools have counselors so go speak to one now....find a group with some hobbys that you share...such as poetry, or writing...scrapbooking...whatever...do not isolate yourself...I feel that when I do that I just make it worse...get out there and share how you feel...just the way your are doing now.

Everyone feels lost when they enter a new environment so this is understandable...don't feel bad if you are not sure this is your calling...best of all...now you have new friends here!

[jacq10]

I'm sorry things are so tough for you .... but what you need to do is take care of YOU. I know it sucks eating alone - been there, but it is SO important. if you dont eat, you wont have energy, and that could be partially why you feel more tired all the time.
As for the other things ... do you have any hobbies? If you can find time to maybe even do some of those, you may feel better. And like constant said, there are free counsellors at your school to talk to, or even just writing (like in a journal) can help to get some stuff out there. I know when i am feeling really down if i can sit down and write, and see everything on paper .. i feel a little better just knowing that its not AS much hidden inside of me. - but thats just me, you need to find something that works for you.