[ThisWayOut]

How do you follow through on something you know you should probably do, but are too scared to ask for? where do you find the courage of you are terrified of the consequences?
I'm pretty much at the point of needing inpatient at the moment, but don't trust asking anyone to help me get there except my t who Is off until tomorrow. But I am also worried that I will lose my resolve by then and not be able to ask her (the consequences are scary and its easier to resolve to do it when the actuality of it is not looming)... I keep telling myself to give the day program another try tomorrow, then stop by t's office on the way home If need be. I'm just afraid I'll lose my nerve. I'm supposed to see t Thursday for our session. Maybe that answers my question... maybe if I chicken-out tomorrow, I can bring myself to do it Thursday... it maybe by Thursday my head well right itself.

[KimberlyDeborah]

Courage comes with right thing,confidence and success.Apply this in life you will surely get the courage in you!!!

[Lexi232]

does your T have a crisis line or someone to call in case she unavalible?

Maybe writing a lengthy and detailed story on how each of the people in your life would react and cope after you were gone? I was told that when i was inpatient a long time ago. maybe by the time you have finished that story it will be the day you get to see your T?

[ThisWayOut]

there's a crisis line, but it's a sexual assault crisis center so they would just refer me out to a different number... I've been utilizing the crisis chats through lifeline... that helps get me through the moment. I just need to keep getting through moments till at least tomorrow.

I'm trying to keep busy with re-homing my geckos. A rescue said they would take them. I didn't realize how badly my depression was effecting them... I will be able to meet up with the girl today. That's a huge relief. That way even if I go inpatient (when), I will not feel so bad with them not getting care...

Unfortunately, I've already written that story, and it has them coping better when I'm gone... I'm trying to stay away from anything that may end up sounding like a goodbye note.

[gayleggg]

Can you drive yourself there or is it not safe to do? I know both times I went inpatient I drove myself. Didn't tell anyone else where I was going. The hospital called my husband after I was admitted. Can you stay safe until tomorrow?

[ThisWayOut]

I can stay safe till tomorrow. I will drive myself to my T's office after IOP tomorrow (unless I have a total meltdown there). She said she would help get me to a hospital... I don't have it in me to go by myself... The ER wait sucks, and they take forever to take me back. At least if my T helps me get there, I'll be there with no backing out. It's still voluntary, but it's just easier that way.
Knowing my wife only has to take care of 2 geckos and the snakes while I'm gone will make things easier. And I have to drop off the rest of the geckos with the lady from the rescue later tonight. It sucks, but I'm so overwhelmed... it's not fair to them.
Got my paperwork in order too, so if they deem me incompetent, my wife will take over my medical decisions (and everything else). That makes me feel better about going inpatient again. It's incredible how you lose all your rights (including confidentiality) when you check yourself in somewhere down here. I know HIPPA's a national thing, but I think S. FL is it's own country and has decided not to follow those mandates... I would have filled out a living will, but if anyone challenged it, they would win. So, whatever. The POA and Healthcare Surrogate should be enough.
I have to go make sure I have enough containers for the geckos... I meant to get more while I was out today, but I forgot, and I'm out of money now. oh well. There's 2 I can't bring myself to give up... I probably should, but I am very attached to them. One I have had since 2007, the other my wife got me last year for my birthday. Maybe I will ask someone to foster them for me for the time being. One girl that's not too far away had mentioned she could a while back. I'm not sure she still has the space, but I could always ask.

[KimberlyDeborah]

These stories can justify courage but to the negative side which people don't need!!!