[mulan]

I realy wish I could make the changes. But I can't. When I am alone I think "ok, that would help, lets do that" but when it comes the time to actually do something I can't. I'm afraid about what I realy have, about the cause of me being like this. But I can't get out this fog when the time comes. I don't understand why I prefer to live a life that I hate, where I struggle everyday. But I chose to keep my secret, I wish I could talk to someone, but in order to do that I realize that is needed someone else to start the conversation instead of me. I don't know, I'm chained at my own stupid life. And the worst at this is that everyone thinks i'm a terrible person, no one truely likes me, and the picture everyone does about me is not the best. And I don't know what I should believe, and don't know from where to start.
Let me just tell one more thing. Back at 2011 I made a brain RM. I went to a neurologist because psyquiatritians ???? had failed to help me. At the time I didn't see the exam with me eyes, but my parents went to pick it up and they said there was nothing wrong in it. So I never went back to the neurologist again to show him the exam. But this year I remember to see it with my own eyes and i see my parents missed a part in the report that said I had a small pineal gland cyst. This could explain why I am resistant to psychiatric treatment, but this could also be nothing important. I don't know how to tell my family this, I don't want them to worry about nothing. I don't want to go after this lead and then have no doctor giving it importance or doing nothing or saying this is not the cause. I don't want people to see me as a much crazier person and call me hipocondriac if that happens and don't look for other pshisiologic causes of my ilness. And I don't want to miss this and then it turns to be something important. Maybe I make a dilema out of everything. I want for help but I am affraid to discover where my personality ends and my disease begins, since I have been "strange" since a young age. Please advise me. I am lost and I can't take the first step. I have been trying for soo long and I just can't.

[mulan]

I can't even wright about what I feel because everything is so hard to begin but they are even harder to finish. My family is allways accusing me of being selfish and never help any of them when they ask. I try, but I keep telling myself: how can I help them, how can I make things for them, when I can't get any energy to help me and do the things I want to do.
Please, I have been writing because I realy need someone to "listen" to it. Don't ignore me.

[Samanthagreene]

I'm sorry you're going through this. If you want to talk...