[ready2makenice]

I feel as though the last few weeks have been hell on heels for me. My depression has come to an all time low. The worst part is,when the people in my life believe I'm faking it,believe I'm just looking for attention,that "it's not that bad" that I can just "get over it" "just be happy".

Depression for me can be from,staying in bed all day for days at a time,not taking a shower,brushing my teeth,eating or doing any of the adult things I should be doing in my life or it can be internalizing my pain inwards and causing self inflicting pain on myself.

When I do decided to force myself out of bed even for an hour and try to interact myself with others,it's like "oh you weren't really depressed" little do they know at the end of the night,I'm usually crying myself to sleep. I'm usually curled up in a ball on my bathroom floor or I'm shutting every form of contact off from the world so they don't have to feel the pain I do also. I feel constantly empty,without purpose,asking myself,what is my purpose? Why am I here? Everything around seems so bland and boring,so empty and lifeless. No emotions,just numb.

So am I depressed or just emotionally unstable/moody? (I am diagnosed with Borderline Personality as well)

What is depression for you? How would you describe it?

I don't know how to get out of mine,I don't know how to not resort to self destructive ways and habits. Most of the time I just let it consume me with no hope of how it'll turn out,no care....don't mean to be depressing for anyone else,just would like some insite on others idea of depression.

My T says I should reach out to more people,and this is one step I suppose.

Any and all responses are welcomed

[the abyss]

i fill my day with everything that i like , funny dvds', great coffee, walks in nature, good food, my dog and the list goes on.
i fill the day like this and then the day is over and it was not to bad, i did some nice things.
sorry you are feeling this way.
take care

[Grimace]

I never lack for things to do, whether it's watching television, reading, playing video games, fantasizing about a better life, window shopping, etc. When I'm feeling especially depressed, I tend to try to immerse myself in these things to the exclusion of everything else.

In effect, they serve as a "box" for my mind, closing it off from all the things I don't want to think about. This is quite effective, but at the same time utterly unproductive. Outside of this box, things continually get worse, both because life sucks in general and because I'm ignoring things I feel I lack the emotional strength to deal with.

When the barrier is shattered I rage, either internally or in private ... all the while wearing my "happy face" for everyone else.

My depression is anger, resentment, despair, and hate, over my own circumstances and prospects as well as a world filled with selfishness and stupidity. When I try to rise above it all I get brutally slapped back down, and I'm driven once again to "escape".

Anyway...

You sound like a prime candidate for picking up a hobby. Not only will it give you a direction and purpose, but it can offer the opportunity to interact with and teach other people who share it.

[NuckingFutz]

Sounds like my depression at the moment. Only difference is that my antidepressants keep me from crying.

I get restless so I can't focus on anything and staying in bed all day drives me nuts.

I'm unable to read, watch tv, work on my hobby of cross stitching and when it comes to reaching out, well, the phone feels like it weighs 400 lbs.

Sometimes I do go days without a shower, yuck for me.

Are you seeking any treatment for the depression? Sometimes it can be hit or miss but it's worth the effort.

I also just wanted to give you a hug and let you know that you are not alone although it may feel like it sometimes.

Trying to get into old hobbies and I just can't seem to focus.

I hope that the depression lifts for both you and me.

[NWgirl2013]

I isolate. Don't answer phone or email or door. I work on things I need to do in my own little realm, or lay in bed crying. I don't really want to do anything but make the time go faster so I can go to bed and sleep. Sleep is my favorite escape.

[quietfeline]

You are not alone. I am having a really hard time today. I think of it as a darkness that creeps in and I try and fight it, otherwise it completely consumes me.

I have learned that I have to force myself to go out and do things, no matter how badly I feel. At the very least, it provides a distraction. Even just going for a walk down the street.

[bronzeowl]

I'm sorry that people tell you those things. It really hurts to hear them, especially when they're coming from people you care about. My mom once said something like that to me. I don't think she meant it the way it came out, but that didn't stop it from hurting. None of it is true. You can do things to try to help, but you can't just snap out of it. None of us asked for this, and we can't just get over it one day.

Depression is different for everyone, I find. While many of the core symptoms are similar or the same, everyone experiences it differently. I have two depressions. In one, I'm filled with extreme sorrow. I can't stop crying, I feel everything is hopeless, I feel like no matter what I do I'll always be this way. Then, there's the apathetic depression. During these episodes, I can't get out of bed, I want to sleep all day, I isolate heavily, I don't want to leave the house, I can't even be bothered to cry, everything becomes boring, and I don't have any motivation left. I consider these episodes worse than the others because once I'm out of them, I realize I haven't done schoolwork in a week or haven't showered in a week or forgot to change the bedding in my hamster's tank. I, also, isolate which leads me into the sorrow again.

Hobbies can help for many people. I agree with the others. Maybe you could consider one. Writing helps me. It gives me a form of escape that I've never been able to find elsewhere and is the one thing I can do no matter what kind of episode I'm in.