Am I alive?

Sometimes I feel so litle life inside me that I wonder if I am already dead.
I wonder if my life is a dream or if it is real. because it doesn't seams real. I think I am just a corps with no soul. I can't think, and if I try to think or to feel it alls vanish imidiatly.
The world happens around me and I just stay in the same place. Things hapens around me, people talk to me, people talk to each other and anythings comes to my mind. My mind is stucked, it stoped and can't start to move so I have nothing to say. Today I went shopping, I look to the clothes and nothing comes to my mind, I can't realy like anything. I even can't chose my clothes by myself.
My life as been taken for me and I go with the motion. Nothing to say, nothing I want, nothing to fight for. The more empty I am the more calmer I feel, sometimes it makes me thing I'm fine, it makes me feel almost happy, with no worries. I try to cry, I call that thoughs that tell me I'm not ok, but they imediatly go away. This state makes me feel so stupid, makes think I'm not smart, maybe I'm not. My life is school and game playing ( games in wich I don't have to think)...I realy don't live, I guess I'm dreaming or I'm dead.

Depression often comes with a feeling of being numb inside. There is no interest in anything, normal senses seem dull and you feel like a ghost.
There is actually a rare disorder called copard's syndrome where the person truly beieves that they are dead. Its extremely rare though, so I wouldn't worry about it.

When I was at my worst, I can remember feeling like I didn't exist to the point where I would cross the street with cars coming. I believed that if I didn't look at them, they wouldn't be real and therefore couldn't hit me.

Its hard being stuck in a slump like that. Soon it becomes a vicious cycle. You don't want to go out, so you stay in and play video games which isolate you from people which in turn makes you feel worse. If you don't already have a therapist, its probably time to get one. We can't always climb out of the hold by ourselves. If you are living alone, and able to, you might consider getting a dog. Its not a cure, but they are very sensitive to your emotions and give you something to care about and something that needs you. It won't solve your problem, but it will keep you from being alone.

Sam2

Ik what you mean mulan. I felt like that. I have felt the same thing. Too feel like there is no purpose to feel like your already. It sucks. But your not the only one who feels like that.

I wish I could ask for help, but I am allways loosing track on what I feel and I always tend to minimize it (???)... I have been asked so many times if I am fine and I can't say I am, if I say it seems like a dangerous situation, but saying I'm fine is a reflex...and I think that fearing the others, being disapointed by them and being unable to trust them, and social anxyety brought me here. The problem with me is that I don't know where depression begins and depersonalization ends. I always felt strange, detached, always. During most of my life I just could think that I was strange and not normal and I couldn't realize what was wrong with me. Why I was always daydreaming, couldn't get my feet on the ground, seamed distanct and slow and felt distanct. And it was very hard to put this feelings into words, since I never knew me other way, but one day I get it, I realize that I felt my life as it was a dream and reality wasn't real. But why my thoughs don't move, why it seams I switch my boton to the off, I switch my thoughs and there isn't anyone happening inside my head, it is not only the outside world that doesn't seam to exist, my inner voice is very quiet too. I just go through life without asking or wondering. I can't strange myself when I look in the mirror or I can't get imediatly to the conclusion that other people are unreal because there is no one inside me to think about it. This comes whith feeling numb or is this a simptom of depression it self or is this a thing that doesn't happens in any of them.
If I don't exist how can I get help for me, how can I get help for problems which aren't real?

Thank you for bringing this up. I thought I was the only one that felt this way. (((hugs))) This is so very true, its almost creepy how accurately this applies to myself. I hope you find a way out of the fog.

Well, I think what you describe is depersonalization, my problem gets beyond (??) that. As I said I'm slow and I can't think straigh but after all this time I'm getting to the conclusion that what I feel is a sindrome and has a name...brain fog...now I just wonder why I have felt like this almost my entire life, I'm confused? I see people around here complaining about brain fog as a symptom of anxyety or depression, but is this the real cause in my case, can this be caused my pineal gland cyst or another hormonal cause, I had felt like this my all life? I know you don't have answers, but it is the first time when I read about something and I totaly identify with, it seams like I had wrote it...and I find it more interesting that the main and more comun causes where not psychiatric illness...how strange is this, I'm really confused.

Sometimes I feel like that. That this is all just not real. This scares me to death, because it's all too real and we can get really hurt. thanks

I can related to the "am I already dead" pondering.... but then I realize that one thing is very, very evident - and that is that this is absolutely NOT heaven.

So sorry to hear!! When I'm real depressed, I find that the only thing that helps is a med adjustment! Best of luck and hope you feel better!!