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#1
Dec 05, 2013, 09:27 AM
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I have forced myself to go to work all week. I am just soooo tired. I'm a letter carrier. Seeing all the packages gives me anxiety and they are multiplying every day. God has gotten me thru each day.
Today I have off! Going shopping with my mother but really need to detach from her, detach from her misery. All my life- it's always been about HER feelings. If I feel differently- she'd say "you shouldn't feel that way, you're just like your father, I can't believe my own daughter feels this way, you twisted it" etc. She totally believes love is a behavior. (thanks Dr. Phil) If you don't feel or act in the manner in which she expects- then you must not really love her. Anyway, the situation is that my parents divorced in 1983 and since 1983 every year has been a hassle with the holidays. She doesn't want to be there if he is there. My mother had been remarried but he has since passed away. My father has a girlfriend. Well, it is not my fault they got a divorce. I only know I want to be happy at Christmas. Even my son (who is 22) is aggravated with her. The other problem is that my brother does not really have my mother as part of his life. I understand how our mother is- but no one is perfect. I don't really get why he is doing this. I mentioned to him "how are you gonna feel when she is gone?" and he said "How can you miss someone who is not part of your life?" So it is really messed up. She got an invite to my house for Thanksgiving (my father and brother were not coming) and she didn't come because of her pain. She feels she has lost a son and she is totally miserable. I think it is so unfair of her to say she doesn't know why she is on this earth, and to tell me her thoughts of suicide. Hello, you have a daughter who has depression and is trying to keep her head above the clouds and into the sunshine. The part that is frustrating is that she will not seek help. She says the only thing that can help her is my brother, that a pill is not gonna change things. Well, my meds don't make everything hunky dory but makes life easier to deal with. And so I have mixed feelings about spending today with her because it's all about her feelings. I truly don't need to be dragged down, especially by someone who is unwilling to help herself. I will do my best to detach. |
 Anonymous100108, Idiot17, toscana, winter4me
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 toscana
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#2
Dec 05, 2013, 10:17 AM
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I hope you can make your shopping trip a good one. I feel the same way when I go visit my mom. But at least you know what you need to do.
__________________
 dx in 2003 - Bipolar PTSD Major Depressive Disorder Panic Attacks/Generalized Anxiety |
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#3
Dec 05, 2013, 02:38 PM
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Hello, Idealsummerluvv.
Post-shopping questions: Were you able to successfully detach yourself from your mother's negative feelings? If so, what helped?
__________________
My dog  mastered the "fetch" command. He would communicate he wanted something, and I would fetch it.
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#4
Dec 05, 2013, 03:42 PM
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__________________
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#5
Dec 06, 2013, 07:32 PM
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What helped was to not have any expectations.
However......... At lunch I sat and listened to her talk about her pain and HER FEELINGS regarding how she's lost a son, etc......-- and never once did she ask me how I was doing. I can't believe how much this bothers me. It is so blatant that everything is always about her feelings and her pain. I don't feel like she is really in my corner. I wish I could have a good cry over this (or anything for that matter) but the tears don't wanna come. |
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#6
Dec 07, 2013, 10:31 AM
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She sounds like she's very immature, only thinking about her pain and twisting everything so it's about her. I'm sorry you have to deal with this.
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#7
Dec 07, 2013, 10:54 AM
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Thanks.
It hurts. At this point, I'm not even gonna bother to mention this to her. See, here I go again- protecting her emtionally fragile state. She sent me an email this morning saying for the past 12 months she has prayed that her son would miss her. So, more about her stuff. Anyway, I am grateful to have today off. Been shopping online for Christmas. Am going to a parade with a friend later. take care, |
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#8
Dec 07, 2013, 10:57 AM
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Yikes! Does she not realize the consequences of her own actions?
A parade sounds like fun! I love them they are so cool  I missed macy's thanksgiving day parade 
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#9
Dec 08, 2013, 10:55 AM
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The parade was nice. My friend's daughter marched in it.
My mother recently found out she is diabetic and she emailed me something about diabetics are twice as likely to be depressed. More about her. Anyway, you guys have a good day. |
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This is an old thread. You probably should not post your reply to it, as the original poster is unlikely to see it.|
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