[veeisnothing]

Hi, I haven't been here in a while, but I'm back because my situation is getting too bad. I'm depressed and I don't think I will be able to snap out of it even for a few hours this time. I'm at the point where I know I won't get better, and I just don't want t live this way anymore. I can't even do anything to help myself because I don't deserve help. There is no one I can confide in because no one I know likes me. In the past I got into a lot of trouble. I was mean and not thee f those I should have been thee for. So, now, even though I try to watch what I say and act how I'm supposed to act, it does no good. People still don't want anything to do with me. I don't blame them because I don't even like myself. So, there is no hope for me. I don't want to live anymore because it's too hard to live with all that has happened. I can't get well, so I'm basically deteriorating. I don't feel in control of my life, and I don't like the fact that others get to do what they want to me just because I've made mistakes that don't even concern them, and because they know thee is nothing I can do, but take it. I'd rather die than live this way even though I know death will be painful. I don't know if it's best for me to just stay alive as long as I can for my family, if it's better to go away where they don't have to see me like I am or me see what a burden I am on them. I don't know whether to commit myself or not. If I did that, then my family would at least know I'm alive. It just seems like I only have three options, and that's end it all, commit myself, or live in misery while also making those I love miserable. What I really want to happen is to just die from another source. I'm not very healthy, so I keep thinking that maybe my time will come naturally, soon. But, then again I get sick, and hurt all the time and I still keep living. Makes me think I'll have to live a long time. I don't know what to do. I know I'm not strong enough to keep going through life like this. Does anyone have advice? I'm not on meds and don't see a therapist, and I won't be able to in the near future.

[gayleggg]

I'm sorry you are in so much pain veeisnothing. I believe everyone deserves help if the want it. The past is in the past and you need to make peace with it, even if everyone else can't. We all pay for our mistakes some just more than others. You do have a choice to not let your past define you. It will take time to get back your self respect and that of others but it is a worthy goal. I assume when you say you are not on meds and are not seeing a therapist that it has to do with finances. I hope you can find a county facility that can help you. Sounds like counseling would helpl. Best wishes.

[Rohag]

Hello, Veeisnothing.

Originally Posted by veeisnothing

I'm not very healthy, so I keep thinking that maybe my time will come naturally, soon.

This thought keeps crossing my own mind.

Originally Posted by veeisnothing

It just seems like I only have three options, and that's end it all, commit myself, or live in misery while also making those I love miserable.

I don't like options #1 and #3 for various reasons, including those options' assumption nothing will change or evolve.

Whether or not you commit yourself, telling the whole of your story to a neutral party would be valuable. Have you tried Nevada 2-1-1 (United Way/AIRS)?

Please keep posting.

[veeisnothing]

Thank you for your help.

I agree I need to make peace with my past, but I can't. I have kids and right now I know they are better off without me. It's a lot to explain, but I'm sure I'm not supposed want to live.

Thank you for your support

Originally Posted by gayleggg

I'm sorry you are in so much pain veeisnothing. I believe everyone deserves help if the want it. The past is in the past and you need to make peace with it, even if everyone else can't. We all pay for our mistakes some just more than others. You do have a choice to not let your past define you. It will take time to get back your self respect and that of others but it is a worthy goal. I assume when you say you are not on meds and are not seeing a therapist that it has to do with finances. I hope you can find a county facility that can help you. Sounds like counseling would helpl. Best wishes.