[Christina86]

*siiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiigh*

I feel like a fraud. People are worse off than me and dealing much better than I am. I can't deal with stress and everything that's going on - I just can't.

Therapist is trying to help but this week wasn't good. And now no way to apologize for being so difficult. I'm sorry I'm so difficult. I'm sorry people try to help and I let them down. I'm sorry I'm an idiot. I'm sorry I'm being a pest. I'm sorry if I'm bothering you. I'm sorry for complaining.

Stuck. Stuck in a rut of my own stupidness. Stupid mistakes, worthless person and its not worth it trying to feel better because I don't know how to.

People were mean to me this week. I don't know if they meant it, but what they've said hurts. Sometimes because I know its not true, but sometimes because I know that it IS the truth.

I don't make much sense do I?

I just don't have energy. Not to eat. Not to sleep. Not to study. And barely enough to smile and pretend to be fine. Can't have anyone worry. Emotionally I'm all over the map but its too hard to control. I'm angry. But at what... myself? I'm sad. I'm so screwed up.

How did I manage to survive this long?

All I do is hurt. Want to hurt. Need people to hurt me. Squish me like a bug. I deserve it.

[(JD)]

(((((((((((((((hug))))))))))))))) Now canders you KNEW posting like this would require me to come back on and post! And I hope what I say helps

You are catastrophizing. If you can, go read up on the basic cognitive distortions and pick your post apart using them (((Hug))) I'm sorry you are feeling so low and miserable, hon.

If you can't do the CBC cognitive distortions, then maybe go into Dr Ladd's Sharing Self Help Ideas and post some things there?

If you aren't up to doing any of that, then you are stuck with me here in this thread.

Just because you had a tough week does not mean you are an idiot or deserving of hurt.

Comparing our own journey with another's doesn't cut it with me. We are all on the same path, some of us are ahead, some are behind you... no one is better than the other. Just like in school, some are in second grade, some are in high school, no one is better than the other, just at a different spot on the path!!!



Now, tell me some of the self-care things you do for yourself that have worked some in the past for you... and let's see if we can get you more centered?

[Christina86]

Very well.

CBT-wise and looking at cognitive distortions, yes - I know I suffer from a lot of them. But there's a problem, I just can't seem to care or change them. What exactly is the point of changing something I think I've always had?

I saw that other forum and it looks interesting but I don't know how or where to start so perhaps it is for the best if I don't go there.

I know I'm not supposed to compare myself with others - but you all seem so much better than me. I know I'm not doing anything constructive.

What is "self-care"?

[(JD)]

<font color="blue"> Self care is the stuff we do to help us function better, even when no one else does, cares or is around.

This would make a great thread... and I will begin one and then everyone can add those things that they do as "self care."

Some things are doing what we KNOW to be important, taking our medicine as we should and not otherwise, eating as properly as we can, resting as we need to, not putting ourselves into situations (like watching some tv shows) that would add to our depression or harmful thoughts.

But then there are things that we do to comfort ourselves. Burning incense or sitting in a candle lit room, hot tub soaks with lots of bubbles, drinking cafe lattes, curling up in a favorite chair and watching old movies, eating orange sherbert...

Canders, I know it's very difficult to find enjoyment in anything when so depressed. But can you think of when you weren't so depressed, of things that made you feel good or better? Are there things you like to eat or drink or do?

[Christina86]

Self-care stuff:

Watching TV and movies.
Eating sugary stuff.
Drinking coffee.
Sleeping.
Having a shower.
Shopping (actually just spending money, hehe)
Going to a bookstore (reading books)
Spending time with SOME of my friends
Being around animals/pets

Thats a pretty standard list I guess.

[(JD)]

The Self Care thread I started is in Psychotherapy.
I could have used the link minimizer lol but have to figure that out.

I hope over time many will post there.

You know canders, there are things on your list that are known to increase endorphin levels... the feel good chemicals... like spending money.

Until you can get to the MD, T, PDoc or whatever, try using these things ...balanced as best you can.... to maintain some feel good chemicals
going through your system. (Some say eating dark chocolate helps them too!)

Maybe in a day or so when you are feeling up to doing some of the "work" in the Self Help Ideas forum, I can do that with you... Read some of the threads... the welcome one, and my What shall we work on thread... and that will give you basic info.

Hang in there, do some of the stuff to help you feel better, this is a battle and we can win it!

[Christina86]

I saw it.

I'll try, thanks Sky!

[Boopers]

You're not a fraud, nor stupid, nor worthless. You are just having a bad time right now.
I hope you will feel better soon.
Take care,
Linda

[pamelasu]

I am sorry you are feeling so low! You are not worthless though! You are a great person and you do a good job with helping others. Please take care of yourself! *hugs*

[Christina86]

Thanks ((((((Linda))))))

I wish this "bad time" would just end already. *sigh*

Thanks

[Christina86]

((((pamelasu)))))) thanks

I don't think I do a good job in helping others, but I do try I guess.

Thanks - You take care too!

[jacq10]

(((Canders))))

I'm sorry you are feeling so low right now, and i wish that i could offer more words of encouragement, but just know that you are such a good and caring person. Try and keep positive by doing some things on your list, and spending time with those that will not add to the depression.
Sending gentle thoughts
Jacqueline

[Christina86]

* I lurk *

((((((((((Jacqueline)))))))))

Thank you so much - is it just me or do Canadians really have crummy weather? (That is my excuse for most of my mood lately)



-Christina

[Sabrina]

Some good advice here ...

My thoughts are with you

[Fuzzybear]

((((((((((((((( Christina ))))))))))))))

[Christina86]

((((((((((Sabrina)))))))))))

(((((((((Fuzzy))))))))))

Thanks both of you for being so kind.

[prodigiousgamer]

::does a dance::

[Bethsway]

Canders never feel guilty about asking for support when you are feeling down...we do it on here all the time!!! That is what we are here for!! to Give support to each other when we are in crisis...((((((((hugs))))))) to you canders and I hope this down feeling you are having goes away soon...WE all care for you!! You never have to say your sorry for asking for help!! WE all need it at some time!!! I know I do sometimes!!