[bluekoi]

I want to help myself understand my friend's depression and anxiety disorder. It's been almost two years since being diagnosed, proscribed medication and is currently in therapy. I do not see that my friend is getting better. I expected to see a gradual improvement - that my friend would start living as apposed to just existing. I'm frustrated and this is not helpful.

[catsrhelm]

Just continue to be there for your friend and let your friend know that you are there. It really does matter/count.

[Hellion]

It could be that the meds and therapy aren't working and perhaps she needs a med change, a different therapist or different sort of therapy. Also though meds and therapy don't necessarily 'cure' depression and anxiety for many it can be a lifelong ongoing struggle, especially if it goes untreated for a long time.

I'd say the important thing is like was already said to be there for them, Also don't accuse them of not trying hard enough to get better, because its certainly not that simple and sadly I've heard of people trying to express to friends and family they are struggling only to be shunned or accused and blamed for their illness.

[Altered Moment]

personally i have treatment resistant depression. meaning meds and therapy have never done much for me. I cycle in and out of them with anxiety and sometimes pananoia thrown in when it is real bad. I have had to learn to live with it. There is no cure that I know of. Only managing it. There are varying degrees of success in managing it. some people respond very well to treatment and others not. One thing I hate the most is people telling me that if I would just get out and exercise or change my diet or do this or do that or think positive i would get better. Those things may help with moderate depression but when someone tells you those things you feel really judged and as if you are not trying. Just being a nonjudgmental friend is a huge help.

[Fuzzybear]

[bluekoi]

catsrhelm, I am there for my friend. I know the support is valued & needed.

Hellion, I understand what your saying. What happens when my friend's depression starts to effect my moods in a negative way? Normally I'm good at letting other peoples' negative feelings roll off my back.

zinco14532323, " One thing I hate the most is people telling me that if I would just get out and exercise or change my diet or do this or do that or think positive i would get better." This is something I do not understand. How could you not feel a little bit brighter(even for a short time), if you went for a walk on a beautiful day? How can thinking positive make you feel worse? "when someone tells you those things you feel really judged and as if you are not trying." I think this is what is starting to happen and I'm not sure how to correct it.

[Altered Moment]

zinco14532323, " One thing I hate the most is people telling me that if I would just get out and exercise or change my diet or do this or do that or think positive i would get better." This is something I do not understand. How could you not feel a little bit brighter(even for a short time), if you went for a walk on a beautiful day? How can thinking positive make you feel worse? "when someone tells you those things you feel really judged and as if you are not trying." I think this is what is starting to happen and I'm not sure how to correct it.

The thing is when I am in a very severe depression I am not capable of doing those things. It is like telling someone with cancer to just think their cancer cells away. For me it is a very biological disease. A very little understood disease of the brain. It sounds like your friend is doing the right things by going on meds and therapy. When I am feeling good enough I will naturally do those things. When I am in bad shape I have to really force myself to do those things. I can go two weeks without taking a shower and then one day just get up and take a shower. If someone tells me I need to take a shower it just pisses me off and I feel judged. It is a tough thing because proffesional therapist do use behavioural modification to try to get patients to do those things. Behaviour does affect brain chemistry. Baby steps is sometimes the best approach. Brush your teeth then tie your shoes and maybe that is all you can do that day.
I feel for you because I often think my disease is harder on those around me than it is on myself. I have been living with it my whole life and am used to it. I recently moved home to Michigan from CA and all my family is here. It is very hard for them to understand and deal with. I admire you very much for posting on here and asking for input.

[actor]

The problem I have is very much as zinco14532323 describes. I know that going to the gym helps. But when getting out of bed feels like a major accomplishment, going out feels more than I can do. I understand that people are trying to help when they suggest ideas they believe will help. But if you have not been in the black hole, very hard to understand why a person will not get up and out. It is like telling me how lucky I am to have the family, job, money etc. just makes me feel worse as I know that yet still feel terrible.

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[bluekoi]

zinco14532323, This is very helpful! I'm comparing my depression to my friends & that is the wrong attitude. I've known this person for over 10 years & we are like family. I want to be helpful, but lately I have not been as empathic as I normally would be. Baby steps are the best - I remember them well! Talking like this puts it into a different perspective for me.