In a bad place.

Sad and lonely today. Disconnected from everyone and everything. I feel stuck, I don't like where I am, yet I feel utterly powerless to change it. I'm far from home with no one to talk to. Today sucks.

Why do you feel powerless? Could you text a friend or get out of the house and mingle somewhere? Talk to us. We are here for you.

No responses from friends or family. Everyone but me is busy living today. Getting out isn't an option, I'm sort of at work. Meaning I'm here but there's no work. I'm six hours from home and this is the closest I've been in weeks. My time off got messed up again. I rarely if ever get home when I ask. I'm stuck sitting in my truck on the company lot, waiting. There are other drivers here but I don't feel comfortable socializing with them. I always feel like a piece of meat, it's unnerving.

I'm feeling the same way. Hugs!

I feel ridiculous, sitting here alone and I can't stop crying.

I very badly want to give up. I'm running full speed going nowhere.

We're here for you! Please consider us all friends for you to talk to when you're feeling this down. Is there any techniques you can use to help calm your mind?

None that have worked today. I can't even sleep, I've been up since six am and I have to be back at work at four am. Which includes seven hours of driving after which I'll get home and have to deal with all the requisite drama that entails. I'm pretty sure it's somehow mu fault that I've been mostly out of contact with my bf for days on end. Even though he's the one who took Xanax and lost hos phone. Somehow or another everything is my fault. I'm so tired but my mind is on fast forward. I don't know what to do or how to deal. I only have one friend and I don't want to burden her, not right now. She's gotten some pretty terrible news recently and needs to process that. I can't talk to my bf, he takes me feeling this way as a personal attack on him or just some show for sympathy and attention. Which distracts from the attention he should be getting because I'm a horrible person who has to leave him at home with nothing to do while I go away for two to three weeks at a time to work. I hide it all from my family, they haven't a clue I'm going through this. All they're allowed to see is the me who has my **** together. I can bear the judgments.

Sorry about all the typos, that just gushed out and accurate typing on my phone is next to impossible.

No worries! I'm sorry D: that sounds really rough. Also, it's most definitely not your fault that you haven't been in contact for a while. It's his responsibility to talk to you too. I definitely understand feeling when your mind is on fastforward though. Is there anything you know to do to make it slow down? Maybe listen to some of your favorite songs and sing along? Or perhaps play a puzzle game on your phone? Maybe take a little time to daydream? That one always helps relax me.

And don't feel bad about having to leave for work. It's work and he knows that. And you work really hard too so please be a bit gentler with yourself.

I try, I really do. I just feel responsible for so many people. I never get a chance to switch off. When I do sleep it's more of a fell out exhausted or I have to take something. I feel so guilty when I can't make people happy. I give and give til there's nothing left and all I have to show for it is a broken, crying, tired mess. Tonight I'm just killing time til it makes sense to start work.

Still no sleep but still feeling slightly better today. So far only two crying episodes. One of which was provoked by witnessing a fatal traffic accident involving another semi. Holding it together pretty well, lets just hope it doesn't all go to hell when I get home.

Even though it's easier said than done, I think it's important to care for yourself especially when you feel responsible for many people. You can't take care of them when you're feeling this down. But I totally understand feeling like an empty shell that has given all their love into other people. At times like these though, it's best to let your family and friends breath love back into you.

Hoping for the best for you! Best wishes for when you go home!

They don't know, I keep a fake smile in my pocket for when they come around. Not that most of them even knew I was home. Even my 12 year old son was too busy to see me. I just slept obscene amounts and tried to pretend nothing was bothering me.