I've been outed

My mother found out about my depression and PTSD today. She has had her suspisions and confronted me and I told the truth. Her reaction was... less than reasuring. Between telling me that it wasn't that bad, talking over me, and just insisting that I need to think positive, well, lets just say it was rough.

I love my mother, I feel guilty writing this, but I feel so let down and hurt and sad. This was my worst case scenario and it happened. I can't ask her to keep it between us so soon my whole family will know, but I will cross that bridge when I get there.

Right now everything just hurts. I feel so small and meaningless. I am afraid to ask for help... help? I could really use some encouragement.

Big hugs!!!

I've been in a similar situation and I know it's rough. My close circle of a few friends were my support system and my parents (my mother especially, who I even worked with at the time) only found out how bad things were when I needed her help with some insurance stuff in order to get the Rx's the doctor prescribed me.

My mother still doesn't know how bad things can get for me. I find it easier to keep my family at arms length where my mental health is concerned. Just this past week, when my doctor changed my meds because they weren't working for me, my mom yelled at me and chastised me and told me that I had been getting better so I shouldn't have let the doctor change my meds. Parents don't always tell you want you want to hear, or what you need to hear. But remember...They're people too. She could be speaking out of fear that her child is going through something scary, or frustration that she hasn't been able to help or hadn't been someone you confided in before for help.

Regardless of the reason, and regardless of how your relationship with her unfolds as you continue to seek help for yourself, just know that no single person's opinion matters. You can find support in other places when you need it. Other family members, friends, or even an online community like this.

Lots of hugs!!!

did she suspect because she knew others that had suffered from it? or did she know something was wrong and came to the conclusion on her own? she sounds like she is very concerned but just doesn't know what to do. sometimes parents don't handle things very well because on some level they are scared, even if they don't acknowledge it to themselves.

Parents really can be the worst sometimes. If it's any sort of consolation my mom has been telling all her friends as well as family so I mean, I've been outed to the whole family and friend community in my hometown.

I'm really sorry it happened to you too though it really sucks but I can assure you that it does get better in some ways. The only real way that my mom got it was me telling her about how terrible I felt and how I was trying so very hard and I ended up making her cry. And after that she's been more supportive but I think, a lot of parents have a difficult time understanding this sort of thing unfortunately.

Many hugs though <3

I have sister with mental illness. Hers presents differently but still there was enough there to make my mother suspect. I had no intention of putting her through this again. But being told that I just need to change my perspective stings.

dont worry about changing for others, you just need to do it in your own time. learn everything you can and take care of yourself. just understand that your loved ones might be scared and they may or may not get it any time soon. you have to do what is best for you.

Parents, as many other people in the world,.just have some hard time in understanding what other people are feeling. When people say to you those sort of things, I think to my self that is their way to show you that they love you and care about you. Sure that it hurts, but imagine all of your closest family giving you leturings during hours on the way you should behave, and you just can do it. Fighting back every thing that you said in the middle of all the lousy noise. Yes that's my house. Being slapped when you are trying to explain your self about how you feel, and you have been doing it for days, just because you're talking too low like a baby and you wanted to go away because you couldn't handle the noise and the no understanding your feelings talk. Not all people can born with the gift of being truly sensitive. This ones are hard to find. At least I didn't find to many in my life. And depression is an hard experience to understand and to know how to respond to emotions.

I remember once as a teenager when I told my mother that I thought I needed to talk to a doctor she said, "Quit feeling sorry for yourself."

As a result I didn't seek help for my depression and anxiety for years and only after it was triggered by the death of my father.

As an adult, my mother is actually pretty supportive now, but I've always remembered what she said all those years ago and the feeling that my feelings didn't matter, of being ignored and feeling unsure and second-guessing myself (did I really feel depressed or was I somehow making it all up?).

The only thing I can think of why a parent might react so negatively is because they're afraid and they're hoping a little tough love will get you to "snap out of it". Is it something they did or didn't do? They start second-guessing themselves and wonder perhaps if they did something differently, would you still be this way? Parents usually have our best interests at heart and it hurts them to see their children hurting and struggling with issues beyond their control.

I have had depression my entire life. I was put in court-appointed therapy when I was 5 years old, but for my parents divorce/custody issues. But depression runs in my family. So my illness was always KNOWN. I have felt boxed in by my family's opinion of me. They try to support me, but not ways that I need... in ways they THINK I need.

I thought my mother was my biggest supporter. Damn, did my bubble of comfort burst a few weeks ago. I was devasted when I didn't think I could get any lower (emotionally).

She kept suggesting "solutions," and got upset with me when I said no to some of them (when I KNEW it wouldn't work for me). She said I wasn't trying... like I wanted to stay sick or just too lazy to try. She kept asking how I was feeling, she was trying to "understand." I got soooo mad. I have already explained how it "feels" until I was blue in the face. It was like twisting in the knife when I was already bleeding out. We got into a fight. I didn't understand why I had to keep explaining over and over and over.

She didn't understand why my depression kept coming back. It wasn't until that moment that I realized she thought it was CURABLE. This is who I am. I have been looking for ways to live healthy and productively and she... was looking for my "solution." I felt so unbelievably betrayed. I thought she saw me. I thought she heard me. But she had made up her mind that I was like my father before I even spoke a word.

I decided... after A LOT of deep breathing and some space... that it wasn't her fault. I must not have explained it well enough, but that didn't MATTER. I don't have to explain it to anyone. I'm the only one who has to understand. My mother loves me and means well, but I am only that can find what works for me. Which is totally freaking scary. I worry that if I haven't figured it out yet, then I never will... but that sounds an aweful lot like giving up. F**k that. As long as I have a choice, I have options.

I know that being "outed" makes you feel like exposed and vulnerable to their opinions of you. But it is YOUR opinion that matters. Do not let them make you feel belittled. You do not need to feel ashamed. The fact that you have to struggle more to live "normal" makes you stronger than anyone else, because you are surviving. If you feel like you need time, then ask her for it. She might not give it to you, but if you tell her that you want to tell them YOUR way, in your words... she owes you the opportunity. It is your life. They are your family too, not just her's.

I don't know if anything I said helped you, because we have the opposite situations with the same result. The only thing that helped me was knowing that their perspectives (even though I love them) doesn't count. Mine does. No one can make me feel any certain way unless I let them. MY struggles are my own. Therefore, only my "solution" can help.

I wish you the best and hope that find the peace of mind that you need. Keep breathing and this too shall pass.