Disgusted with self

I didn't get up until 1 pm today and looked at all that needs done and I just started crying and can't stop. Then everything looks bleak until I think if I were dead none of this would matter. I know I have to fight depression every day but some days its too hard to keep fighting. I scare my loved ones who don't know how to help. I get quite a bit done but not nearly what I should. I'm so sick of depression I could scream. There is never a break from it. It's not fair.

I feel that way all the time. I sleep all day (or as long as I can) and then accomplish nothing. I see everything that needs to be done and I cry. I feel as though nothing I do will make a difference anyways.

I'm the same way. When I get done with work in the morning I'm usually in an alright mood. But when I get home I realize I have to spend the rest of the day being me.

I have a task list a page long and I can't find the motivation to do any of it. I just want to spend my day watching tv so I can escape from thinking as long as I can.

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YA!......My housework is so piled up after teenagers & toddlers running through my house all weekend that I'm about ONE MORE PILE OF S*** away being on an episode of Hoarders!! & NOW my daughters dog just broke off her chain AGAIN & came in to Puke ALL OVER MY COUCH!! Isn't this just WONDERFUL!! Yep! SUCKS TO BE ME! Now I'M going to get sick trying to clean it up! Great! THANK YOU LIFE, MAY I HAVE ANOTHER??? BRB I've got a situation!

Ok.....I'm back.....THAT WAS TERRIBLE!! Is this a contest?....Did I win? Surely I get browney points for the GROSS-OUT factor! I'm sorry, I have to find humor in my misery to keep from crying.

I know the feeling. It is awful. Passivity sets in and becomes insurmountable.

(((((((( fraiser ))))))))

I feel the same way too. I spend way too much time sleeping and the house is rarely clean. I can motivate myself to get a little work done but I never finish. It really makes me feel bad about myself sometimes.

What are we going to do about it? I don't want depression to win. I guess it's back to baby steps. Do 2 things per day and feel good about it. Starting is the worse part but motivation comes from doing. You can't wait for motivation it doesn't happen until you move.

Frasier.

You got out of bed And you wrote to us here to let us know what a cruddy time you were having. I am pretty sure those count as 2 wins.

I'm having a motivation battle myself with depression. Trying to think of keeping a "done" list instead of a "to do" list so I can focus on what I've completed each day instead of what fell to the wayside for whatever reason. (Not working so far, but I'm trying.)

thoughtfully--
bookmadness

My problem is that I no longer care if anything gets done....My main goal is to make the hours pass faster.

Yes.

Start a do-it club, ie a thread here where you post what you've done with the understanding participants give each others support, pats on the back, cheers, etc. Just an idea - not hard to start a thread, and gives some instant payoff for results. Might feel good.

Me, I have no prob getting things done - I seem to be the only person who studied during the reading week we just had - but I certainly used to be what everyone called depressed, so I do relate.

Hiya,
If you cannot get motivated and watch T.V to escape. Could you consider, doing some of the chores in the ad-breaks. That is what I do, when i am feeling nonchalant towards chores?!

hugs!
Know how you feel. When that bed just looks so inviting and you know that maybe, just maybe, if you crawl under the covers it will all go away. But the covers are too thin, it can't block out the world, it doesn't make the feeling go away. Maybe if you sleep it will go away? But then you eventually have to wake up from that sleep. Maybe if you end it all...go to sleep...forever? No, then what about the people you love and care about? Will this ever end? Is there ever going to be a way out??? Where has all the light and happiness gone. What's wrong with me. What did I do to deserve to feel like this. Am I just an incompetent lazy fool?

No. No, you're not. And you CAN do this.
I've found that to-do lists help a lot. But I've also found that I get WAY to carried away when making that to-do list because I can't stop thinking about everything I need to do. And then I can never finish everything. Don't fall into that trap.
Like you said, think of two things to do a day. BUT, then after you do those two things, reward yourself! You earned it! Celebrate!
I believe in you, my friend.
WE believe in you.

That's a good idea bookmadness. A done list. I like it. Thanks.

Struggling with the same thing.
Book madness I like your 'done' list idea... I tend to overdo to do lists and get overwhelmed.
Baby steps is what I think I need to return to like what Fraiser said. Maybe I'll still make a to do list with only a few things, and maybe if I use something as a motivator/reward for getting x done. And at end of day I'll write out a done list as well...
I often still get upset that when I do accomplish x I feel like well I should have accomplished x,y,z... It's hard - the battle with depression. We can do it. ... Provide reassurance here....

Oh yes, how I absolutely agree about feeling disgusted with yourself, that and guilty. Whilst I hide away under the duvet as much as possible, my poor 79 year old dad is keeping the house clean and tidy. What kind of a lazy fat cow am I to allow this? This depression has been almost solid for around 5 months, I'm now isolating as much as possible. It's so soul destroying to have a Psych Dr who refuses to treat the depression saying that antidepressants don't work .................. oh really, wonder why they are made then? Basically I'm stuck with a depression which won't shift (a consequence of BPD) I don't see the point of my life at all, it's a waste of time. I'm disgusted also by the amount of weight gained since mood stabilising meds commenced, although I certainly need them. As I said, I'm not only disgusted, I'm full of guilt. X

Sorry, I hope you are able to read that weird print above. I didn't realise it would come out like that!!! xx