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#1
Dec 03, 2006, 06:39 PM
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About 2 days after my last post I ended up in hospital… had done a lot of stupid things in a small amount of time and my body basically gave up on me…
I’ve now had an epiphany though… I can’t go on like this; it’s not doing anyone any favours. I don’t want to live this way anymore. Between depression, anorexia and multiple self destructive activities I am going to end up killing myself… So I have decided to stop… Decided to actually help rather than sabotage myself for once… so I’m back with my therapist, back taking meds, and this time because I actually want to change rather than I think I should… As for the self destructive stuff: Cutting: 4 days Burning: 6 days ODing: 10 days Drinking; 6 days Drug use: 7 days Bruising: 6 days It’s not much but it’s a start… it’s getting difficult though… until about 2 days ago it was going fine, but now the urges are very strong and almost always there  But I AM going to manage it this time… I don’t think I have that many chances left... I need to move on from all the past stuff... would be far easier if the flashbacks, ect. would stop... but still it needs to be done, until the past is in the past were it belongs I don't see any way of there being a future |
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#2
Dec 03, 2006, 06:43 PM
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Congratulations! Every day counts. I admire this positive attitude, although you had to come by it in a hard way.
Best of luck to you! HUGS
__________________
 complic8d"Don't say I'm out of touch with this rampant chaos-your reality I know well what lies beyond my secret refuge The nightmare I built my own world to escape." ♥evanescence♥
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#3
Dec 03, 2006, 06:50 PM
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((Orion))
It is a *terrific* start! Congratulations! One step and one day leads to another and another... You can do it. Please commit to yourself... for yourself, and commit to staying with therapy for as long as it takes. You are well worth it! Keep up the good work and reach out here, especially when times are rough. Lean on us. We're here. Here is a site that has a very relaxing guided meditation you might like. It is the free one called Secret Garden and it's so beautiful and so relaxing. It is 20 minutes that feel like a mere 5 mins.. I hope it helps you as it does me! www.meditainment. com. ECHOES 
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#4
Dec 03, 2006, 07:04 PM
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thanks...
not sure how long this positivity will last... but going to make the most of it while its here, maybe that way if/when the positivness lapses I can still continue with the giving up of stuff... punishing myself and abusing stuff to get rid of thoughts/memories is not doing me any favours... I'm sure things will be easier if didn't have these extra things to deal with on top of life itself and things that have happened |
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#5
Dec 03, 2006, 07:43 PM
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   Good for you! This is GREAT!!!!! we're here for you all the way!!!! xoxoxo pat |
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#6
Dec 03, 2006, 07:49 PM
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It is time to find the joy in life. I look back in gratitude that I wasn't successful in my suicide attempts or that my overdoses didn't do me in. Even though I still have pain & bad days, I'm grateful to be here & to be able to try to heal.
Working with a therapist should help. Maybe medication, as well (I needed to take meds before I could get out of the self-destructive stuff). Take care. We're rooting for you.--Suzy |
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#7
Dec 04, 2006, 07:08 AM
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thanks everyone...
less said the better I think.. but basically: Cutting: o days Burning: 7 days ODing: 11 days Drinking; 7 days Drug use: 8 days Bruising: 7 days sometimes not sure why I bother... but making myself start again |
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#8
Dec 04, 2006, 07:13 AM
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Good for you Orion.
Hey, you got to start somewhere and you have a good start. I'm sure you realize, just take it one day at a time. Heck, somedays, you need to take it minute by minute but I know you can do this. Keep up the great work. Keep posting and letting us know how you are doing. Good Luck, Linda
__________________
 What doesn't kill us, makes us stronger. |
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#9
Dec 04, 2006, 07:57 AM
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ye... just wish it wasn't so hard... one minuet be totally fine the next be fighting not to do something
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#10
Dec 04, 2006, 11:07 AM
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Hello I hope things are getting easier for you at thie time. It is good to hear that you want to take control of your life and get better in your recovery. I also want to leave you 2 hotline numbers that you can call if you need to talk to someone in person 1-800-273-TALK and 1-800-DONT-CUT. Try to take things one day at a time, it is possible that your county has an outpatient program as well that you may want to attend until you are strong enough to help yourself alone. You will have to ask your dr about the programs, in your area. You may also want to ask about getting a case manager to help you take care of your affairs, bills, rent, and so forth for you until you are feeling better. Take care Sincerely Soidhonia
__________________
The Caged Bird Sings with a Fearful Trill of Things Unknown and Longed for Still and his Tune is Heard on the Distant Hill for the Caged Bird Sings of Freedom |
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#11
Dec 05, 2006, 10:18 AM
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slight set back...
cutting: 0 days burning: 8 days ODing: 12 days Drinking; 0 days Drug use: 9 days Bruising: 8 days |
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