[buttercup05]

I feel really guilty and shameful today. I've been trying to get a part time job lately to help support my family. Times are tight right now, but I dont have the motivation at all. I went to apply for a job earlier today that pays good money. I drove all the way there and parked in the parking lot. I sat in my car for a minute or two then I just started to cry. I was having so much anxiety about going into the building and talking to people. I knew I had to put a mask on and pretend its what I wanted. I couldn't go inside , I just sat and cried in my car. I was thinking to myself how can I do my job if I can't even take care of myself. In the morning it takes everything I have to just get out of bed and get dressed. How am I going to start working? Now I looked like a mess from crying so there's no way I can go in now. I drove back to pick my son up from his grandmas house and I had to lie about not applying. I guess I didnt have to lie but what was I going to say? " oh I didn't go in because I had a breakdown in my car and I dont know why. Its just too much to deal with and I can barely make it through the day." I dont think so. She has no idea what im going through. Now I dont know what to tell my fiance either. I dont want to lie to him too but im so embarrassed and I feel guilty for being this way.

Not sure what to do now.

I can't tell you how many times I have sat in the car and cried.....

Good for you going out with the intention of interviewing....That's a huge accomplishment when you have depression...

Unfortunately, people that don't have it, don't really understand what it's like. I think we have all met the kindhearted soul that has given us the helpful advice to "cheer up"....I see that you're seeing a professional soon....why not ask him for advice on how to best bring it up to your family so that you can feel supported?

There is no embarrassment or guilt for something that you didn't do....

Hugs.

[LadyShadow]

I completely understand your position. I am in the same kind of position. I am so fat and ugly I can't even see myself getting dressed and going out to look for a job. I have sat in my car and cried before, I have been there.

Times are hard I know, but seeing a professional will definitely help.

Good luck to you and keep your head up, you should feel no guilt for your feelings.

[invisiblegrl]

I have no good advice for you. I left my job a few years ago and went to school to become a massage therapist. Now I work from home just a few hours a week. I'm dirt poor, but I am just accepting that because I know I cannot handle going to a job everyday. When I quit I was driving to work crying my heart out, and returning home, crying my heart out. weekends I was so emotionally exhausted I could just barely funtion at home,I wasn't doing anyone any favors in this state of health, except maybe taxpayers who didn't have to pay for mine and my son's medical bills and food stamps. LOL

But I don't feel guilty about being so poor and taking time to raise my son as best as I can and then I will worry about how to support myself better in the future.

Maybe you can find another option of earning money at home somehow instead of going to work?

[buttercup05]

Originally Posted by sophiesmom

I can't tell you how many times I have sat in the car and cried.....

Good for you for going out with the intention of interviewing....That's a huge accomplishment when you have depression...

Unfortunately, people that don't have it, don't really understand what it's like. I think we have all met the kindhearted soul that has given us the helpful advice to "cheer up"....I see that you're seeing a professional soon....why not ask him for advice on how to best bring it up to your family so that you can feel supported?

There is no embarrassment or guilt for something that you didn't do....

Hugs.

Thanks for the reply. I definitely hope I can see a psychologist soon so I can learn how to talk about it to my family. Its hard when people dont understand and make you feel like its all in your head.

[buttercup05]

Originally Posted by PlatinumHeart

I completely understand your position. I am in the same kind of position. I am so fat and ugly I can't even see myself getting dressed and going out to look for a job. I have sat in my car and cried before, I have been there.

Times are hard I know, but seeing a professional will definitely help.

Good luck to you and keep your head up, you should feel no guilt for your feelings.

im sure your not fat and ugly!.. thanks for the support its hard feeling stuck.

[Altered Moment]

At my last job I did the same thing. The job I had before that I got let go because I was missing to much work due to depression. I got another job after a couple of weeks and made in through one day. The next day I sat in the parking lot and had a break down totally overwhelmed with anxiety and started crying. I just couldn't do it. I called my boss and told him I had to quit for mental health reasons. That was a year ago and I have not worked since. My depression has become much worse in recent years compared to all the years I was working.

[regretful]

I think mine is opposite...I was able to work, but where I was working, I couldn't swallow my pride, and I quit. Ever since I quit that job (Sept '13), I've been miserable. I'm stuck now too...

[buttercup05]

Yea I have always struggled with working. Now I cannot imagine going back to work and how hard it would be. Ive been unemployed for over a year and it seems impossible to go back.