[Beautiful_Pain]

I don't know what to do, say, think or even feel anymore. To anyone...about anything.

Its why I've stopped posting, or even coming here. I have no thoughts on anything, I have no feelings for anything, I have nothing to say about anything because of this. When I do try to think or feel, I get confused...so confused I feel sick. I feel very sick right now.

I don't know for sure why I am posting

i think that you're posting so that maybe someone will understand and care?.........i've been there......i know how you feel.......although it doesn't seem like it now.....it will pass.....

Oh,hon! You feel lost and in need for some compassion and understanding- I think. That total feeling of numbness, is a very weird and eating feeling. Like Julia wrote... </font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
although it doesn't seem like it now.....it will pass.....

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((((((((((((((( BP ))))))))))))))))))

[pamelasu]

I hope you get feeling better soon! I know it's not fun being numb, but it will pass and you will have things to say agian!! Hang in there!

[biplol]

(((((BP))))) I think you are posting because you want to feel those things back in your life.
I feel the same way sometimes, it's really frustating and painful, but I hope it goes away soon.
Tons of hugs your way~

[wanting]

(((((BP))))) numbness is bad ive come off a couple of meds before because they did that,so i think i know how you feel i felt that it was better to feel the pain than nothing at all,but as always these things pass as you well know.Take care .

[breemarie]

Because you want to reach out and be understood. I know how it gets. You feel like what is the use in even talking. But you do want to talk and connect with others because you posted. Are you on meds? I am just starting to come somewhat out of my fog, my hell. I am not happy with the side effects of the meds but my mood has changed somewhat. I feel more able to do things and I consider possibilities. I couldn't before. Just last week as a matter of fact. I am actually quite surprised. But if you are not on meds maybe you should be or if you are maybe they should be changed. Keep posting. This is the only thing that is keeping me sane. Hang in there ok, and just keep reaching out.

Bree Marie

Ah, but you do have thoughts and feelings!

You have expressed thoughts about posting, about feeling sick and confused. It sounds like you don't like the way you're feeling. It sounds like you'd like to be here more than you are/have been.

Ambivalence is okay but can feel like emptiness.

I'm glad you posted your thoughts. Keep going...

ECHOES

[(JD)]

I'm glad you are posting, and that you returned to PC. I think you did this because you know you need support right now.

Depression does numb us out and cause us to wonder or question nearly everything. It lies to us.

Keep coming back and reaching out for support. That's why PC is here!

[Beautiful_Pain]

{{{{{everyone}}}}} Thank you for posting, and listening, caring, supporting.

Part of this might be some recent physical problems contributing to general depression I usually have.

I've broken out in sores, on my body (head, neck, face) and all over the inside of my mouth (lips, cheeks, tongue). I couldn't eat for 3.5 days, could barely drink, even water. My lips swelled and cracked on the side. I don't know what it is, and it scares me. The main reason it scares me may sound really dumb, especially if you don't have pets. But I'm scared it will have something to do with my cats, and I will have to give them to the shelter They keep me from being totally alone while my husband is at work all night. I'm not scared to be alone, or of the dark, but I do get lonely. So lonely its painful sometimes. Another indication perhaps, that I should come here more, instead of less. I should add, I'm going to the walk-in clinic today (hopefully), and got to eat and drink a bit last night...feeling a bit better.

Meds, I have rx for a couple, an anti depressant and an anti psychotic (I'm dx'd schizoaffective for those who don't know). The last time I was taking them regularly was several months ago, which turned into irregularly, which turned into none...which is where I am now. I know the importance...but find it hard. Even while on them, I have voices and a shadow man. It will be easier on me to not go into details about him. I know this will sound 'crazy'...but, he doesn't like when I take meds. And will scare me worse when I do take them, partly because they are supposed to help me, make him less...but they don't. And it ends up being easier on me to not take them, and not %#@&#! him off...than to take them and have him stalk me that much more. I see my GP for meds, can't get to appointments for a T, which has its own backstory. And the psychiatrist who does meds is the same place as the T. Its over 1/2 hour away, I can't drive. My husband works all night until 4am, so is sleeping during the day (our car is out of comission right now anyway), my sister/brother both work, my cousins work, my aunts/uncles do too. I have no way to get there, I can barely make it to get my RA meds once a month, and that's alot closer. I don't have any friends, we don't have $ for me to take the rural taxi. My 'insurance' is tribal, so I can't request somewhere closer...like the next town, which I may be able to get to. I have to go to the office(s) they specify, no exceptions. My GP will only put me on what I was on when I came out of the hospital, and isn't overly comfortable doing that...but he understands that I can't get them anywhere else.

Long, involved, boring and kinda pointless...but yeah. I don't know what to do about all that, really. *shrugs*