[devana]

I'm a grad student in my early twenties, and I've been struggling with depression ever since I was 13. Recently, I started losing touch with the people around me, and isolating myself much more than I used to. Today, my boyfriend of 2 1/2 years broke up with me because I'm "distant" and not affectionate anymore. This event seemed to be some sort of breaking point, because I feel as though my brain has shattered.

Over the past few weeks, I've had severe depressive episodes that confined me to my bed for days. I no longer have motivation or desire to socialize or attend school. I used to be a straight-A student, but all of a sudden, grades are no longer important to me. Nothing is really important to me anymore. I'm not suicidal, but I feel like my life has no direction, and I don't want to talk to anyone anymore.

Also, I'm starting to lose touch with reality. My mind goes blank; sometimes I spend hours doing nothing, and I'm not bored. The thoughts in my head feel all jumbled and nonsensical, and sometimes when I speak, I don't make sense. It's like something is taking away my thoughts and putting new ones in. I've had two psychotic episodes in my life, and this feels kind of like it. The world is starting to look very strange to me, and I can't describe it.

This doesn't feel like just another depressive episode. Should I get help?

[Altered Moment]

I think you should definitely get help. have you gotten help before? Reach out the the assets available at your school. I often get slightly psychotic when in a very deep depression. I also get paranoid delusions. This means I am very deep in it. I would say your definitely need to see a psychiatrist. Can you start by reaching out to what is available at school?

[gayleggg]

I agree. You need help before it gets any worse. Please see a doctor as soon as possible.

[paynful]

Honestly, it sounds pretty bad right now. If I were you, I would seek a professional before it gets worse... before you don't care if you get better or not. That is a scary tipping point. I'm glad you aren't quite there yet. Keep posting if you can, we'll worry about you.

I'm sorry about your friends and bf, but at this point, you are probably beter off standing on your own (since they left you when you needed them most). Once you are well again, you can address those relationships if you feel like it.

[devana]

Thanks everyone. I made an appointment with a psychiatrist.

I have been to therapy several times before, and none of them really helped. I tend to keep my thoughts to myself, even when I should be talking, so I never say what's really in my head. I guess I should work on that.

[Altered Moment]

Yeah it is hard opening up. That is the only way they can really help you though. You opened up quite a bit on your first post. That is good. Going through a break up from that long a relationship is really tough. You have to grieve the loss of that relationship. Sounds like that triggered your depression. I believe you have to have someone you can totally confide in. It can be a friend or a family member or a therapist, but it is important.
I get slightly psychotic when really depressed. It is important to be totally honest about all your symptoms and past history to a psychiatrist.