[JJ1988]

Hi. My name is Josh. I have suffered from depression since I was 12 years old. Things started getting really out of control when my mom left at the age of 16, it was shortly after that I attempted suicide the first time. I have attempted 3 other times on separate occasions, have been hospitalized for such, I'd be good for a year or two, bam, depression. My depression has ruined so many things in my life. My relationship with my parents are strained, I am unable to hold down a job longer than 3 months...my depression is parylizing, I feel sick and drained all the time. I just have this overwhelming, constant desire to die. I've grown up all my life feeling like I don't belong in this world. Life just feels like an awkward shuffle to same place...counting down the hours and days...anyways my major problem is I am very depressed right now. I am unemployed, things are so bad for me, I am literally on the verge of homelessness. Things have gotten that bad. And honestly, if it comes to homelessness, I will kill myself. I just don't know what to do.....

Hi Josh...welcome to the forum. It's filled with people that are where you are or have been where you are. I am sorry things are tough for you.
Keep posting here...we listen to venting and ranting and special positive moments and ups and down.
I don't know your avenues as far as getting help, but you don't mention therapy or meds. You sound a lot like my son, who simply closeted himself in his room until we dragged him to the doctor. He is now on an anti-depressant and doing much better. But he couldn't work, even though he kept trying and just stayed in bed and didn't want to be here. Now he enjoys life again.
I know there are resources out there for you and I hope some people here will pipe in and offer help in that area. Start here...Department of Mental Health
(assuming your Waterford is in the US as opposed to Ireland)

Most importantly don't lose faith. You don't know what is around the corner. Here and now might suck, but that doesn't mean the future will.

[Altered Moment]

I felt exactly the same way and was in your predicament a little over a year ago. I was just simply unable to work anymore due to this depression getting worse and worse. I lost my last job due to missing to much work due to depression. I said the same thing that I would end it all before becoming homeless. I was very lucky that I had family that i could reach out to.
In the county where I live they have a Community Mental Health Center and I was able to get seen free of charge. They even set me up with my meds through drug company programs free of charge. I have been being treated for depression for twenty years and all that time was working and had insurance but it has gotten so bad that is no longer the case.
My point is it is time to reach out to whatever resources might be available. Community Mental Health, State Programs, Medicaid, St. Vincent DePauls, Catholic Charities....whatever is available. My mom volunteers for St. Vincent DePauls and they often pay all kinds of bills for people in need. Utility bills, car repairs, rent.
Drag yourself up and reach out to all possible resources before you become homeless.

Hello Josh: Welcome to PC! I would like to second Sophiesmom's & Zinco's replies. Depression can be attacked in a variety of ways: diet, exercise, therapy, medications, etc. But, I believe, one also needs a plan to move from where you are now to where you'd like to be. This plan would include a long term goal plus some short term objectives that will move you toward that ultimate goal. But, of course, it's hard to focus on something like this when you're threatened with homelessness. That's where the community organizations become important. A competent therapist should be able to help you develop & implement a plan. If none of the organizations mentioned in the other replies can help you, call the National Suicide Lifeline (800) 273-8255. You don't have to be actively suicidal to call. They're there to help with whatever type of problem a person might have. Also, keep posting here on PC! The more you post, the more ideas you'll accumulate. Not all of them will work. But some will & you may only need one good one to get you set upon the right path!