[Rustystar]

I've been sleeping a lot lately, just trying to avoid everything that makes me FEEL. Lately, I just feel overwhelmed with my whole life and I don't want anyone to know. I've been like this for so long sometimes I wonder if it's just part of who I am, part of how I'm always going to be. I think I should just try to accept it, instead of constantly telling myself that it's not how things should be, but it's difficult when it's the way things have always really been. Maybe I'm just kidding myself that it's not normal to be depressed/to feel so empty and worn out everyday?

I've tried so hard for so long to push through it, to make plans, to set goals, distractions, change focus, but it all comes back to me feeling the same- EMPTY. I think sometimes it's because I've changed so many things about myself to try to help how bad I feel, but the people and situations around me have stayed the same or worsened. I need so much for someone to reach out to me, someone to just care and not want something from me. I've been fooled so many times into letting people in that just used me, situations in which I was so desperate for a connection I kept telling myself that they really cared and that one day they'd see my worth and start treating me the way I deserved. This went on until one day I turned around and all of those people were gone.

I know I can't survive without friends, but with my current situation I don't know how it's possible to find anyone to try to make that connection with. If I was working a regular job instead of caregiving I could try to find friends that way, if I had children I could try to forge a friendship with my children's friend's parents etc. There are just so many ways that my current situation is limiting me from having the one thing I feel I need most of all, a real friend.

[biplol]

{{{{{{{{{{{{Rustystar}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}I've been searching for the same thing myself. It's been really hard to make friends that really care and are willing to give the best to the friendship. Besides all my friends here in PC, I have a bunch, I found 3 wonderful women who take me as I am, knowing my flaws and my virtues. I also have right now a great relationship with my sis, and we are truly friends.
It took a lot of years, but I know eventually you'll find them as well.
I knwo exactly how you feel, I felt the same so many times.
But here I am, please take me as your friend; PM me anytime~

[Boopers]

Oh RustyStar,

It breaks my heart to hear you struggling so. I wish I could help in some way.
When I get depressed, I shut the world out, and stay in bed and all I want to do is sleep. I don't want to be around people. It sounds like that's where you are right now. Are you on any meds for depression? If not, you might want to try. I had to try several different kinds but once the doc figured it all out, I am much better.
Wishing the best for you,
Linda

[Perna]

Rustystar, can you join a caregiving group? Maybe you'll find someone there in the same boat who understands and is going through some of the same problems. Hospitals sometimes have them, or churches? He's a really great national association I joined when I was helping with my stepmother. They have a great newsletter/bulletin.

http://www.nfcacares.org/