Rough night =(

I just don't know what to do. I feel so depressed and I just hate myself so much. I've been trying so hard to hide it and I thought the meds were working but idk anymore. I just feel hopeless. I hadn't self harmed in a few months but for the past few weeks that is all I can think about. I just don't know what to do.

I feel so selfish. There are so many people that have gone through much worse but here I am complaining. I feel so conflicted. I've been trying to distract myself from these thoughts (self harm) all night but I just can't shake them out my mind and I can't sleep.

It's just so hard...

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That 'there are so many people who have it worse than I do' thing never helps me feel better. Hard is hard and whatever your 'hard' is belongs uniquely to you. If you are thinking of self-harm or actually do self-harm, it doesn't make you a bad person ... just someone who isn't where they would like to be right now.

I've been feeling so down again. I feel like I'm sinking deeper and deeper each day.

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Hi 20broken17, what you're feeling really matters. And you definitely owe it to yourself not to hide it way, it's important. As for other people going through worse well what you're going through is very real too.
No competitions here as to who should or shouldn't get all the support (!! ) everyone matters!! And there are going to be different users who can relate to/support with different things, so whatever it is you're more than likely going to find someone who really wants to talk/help.
And by the way, count me in on that!!
So you're not complaining, you're laying it out there, and thankyou!!
Well done on trying to distract yourself from those thoughts, it really can't have been easy for you. But you know when thoughts gather intensity sometimes they need different techniques to help ease them, if only a little. Do you think maybe you could try moving onto different techniques than one's that might have helped in the past? e.g. different distractions or things to replace them a little?
It is good that the meds have helped in the past but if they're not working so well now that doesn't need to mean that it's to do with you. Sometimes some meds can lose some of the effect after the initial period or after using them for a while, so maybe you need to have them or the dosage reviewed. It can take time to find a good balance.
And talking, you know I want you to be doing that, right!! Maybe extend that to telling your pdoc (if you have one?) everything and A.S.A.P, maybe think about a therapist, maybe think about using hotlines, maybe you could talk to someone close to you (or who could be close to you), and of course we're here for you too.....if there's anything we can do to help just a little........
And well done on sharing this with us!!
Alison

Yeah that whole thing about I should not complain because others have had it much worse is not healthy. It reminds me of when I was a kid when I didn't want to eat my peas and my mom would say "There are people starving in Africa who would love to have them peas." I would think well give em to them then. It never helped me eat my peas. Won't eat them to this day.

Your pain is valid and you deserve help. Reach out to your pdoc and T. Meds are a pain but we have to keep trying.

What meds are you currently taking? And for how long?

Lexapro 20mg and I was on lexapro 10mg and resperdal for a year and at the beginning of this year they took me off resperdal and then increased the lexapro dose

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Maybe the Lexapro is not working anymore.

I think I have an appointment in April, so hopefully something can be done

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Hugs to you.
Never downplay what you are going thru. You are experiencing what you are experiencing, nothing to be ashamed of there. Everyone is unique, I think.
Please don't wait til April for an appointment, please call and ask to be seen soon, OK?
I hope you feel better soon.