[FeelingStuck]

Welp, how should I say this?.......I always have trouble putting the words together on the spot during most of my social encounters, I am as skinny as a twig. In school they used to let me know right away that I am an easy target, but no those who used to treat me as such gradually let me be. It seems as though a lot of other people have aswell, it is very rare that I seem to be able to hold any worthwhile conversation at all. I am at a loss for subject matter. I seem to always be pondering about something troubling me. And they know it, I can tell that they see it on my face (I should learn to fake it, I haven't been this depressed to really feel the need to ramp up my facade.) I hope I won't have to, I hate that my mother has to just to make things seem normal. Everyone thinks I am about to blow my top at any moment. The counselor at school thinks so, my parents, teachers, friends; they all know......

I only see a therapist on a bi weekly basis. Even after I saw this other t who recommended I come in on a weekly basis. I guess it was just my observable mood during our first session. I should call her to report on my mood these past few days. I will show her my posts on here in our future session.

[FeelingStuck]

Ugh, I have family over and I am still in bed. I don't think I can make an appearance without getting complaints and nagging from my father

[Curupira]

Family can be the hardest. My mom just left today and I feel exhausted from faking it for her all week. I am sorry you are going through this. I hope it gets better soon

[FeelingStuck]

I eventually had to eat, I knew it entailed a confession on my scars; I no sleeved shirts available at the time . So it did end up happening (how could it not have), I snapped at my father and It ended with me telling him I wouldn't speak to him again. How far am I falling here? It seems like I always set a new benchmark on my low points every 3 weeks...I just want to curl up into a ball and fall asleep....oh yeah, could an administrator please change this thread icon? I made this thread while sleep deprived and forgot to set it. It would be most appreciated. Thank you

[Curupira]

Ouch, those kinds of conversations are always very hard. I am sorry it did not go well. From personal experience I would say, call your t and leave a message. Let them know that things have changed and you are in a downward spiral. Your doc may want you to come in early or have some techniques to get you through till the next meeting.
From what I have found, it is always the squeky wheel that gets the oil, so dom't be afraid to ask for help and make your t fully aware of what you are experiencing.

I really am sorry that the family conversation did not go well. I can empathize, my father thinks mental illness is a character flaw and my mother has spent the last week exhausting me with activities to cheer me up.