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#1
Mar 30, 2014, 10:19 PM
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For the past while I'm suddenly sick of playing the game, I'm tired of pretending.Ever since I'm living through a facade nobody has seen much through it.
Suddenly now a stranger knows i have panic attacks, has noticed scars from cutting, has seen my negative outlook on life, and sees the control freak i am. He is ten years my senior and sees straight through my facade. Nobody has ever seen my cuts and only my t knows i cut to begin with. I didn't refute a single accusation he made and i actually offered info. When in the past my t had to threaten me to get information out of me. I'm confused as to what's happening. I'm scared of what I'll say to this stranger, what more will i confess too. Where should i proceed from here? Do i go with it or should i retreat? (i want to retreat but at this point I'm scared I'm not capable.) Why is it that he can see through me? What do i say when he comments on my cutting? I never had to deal with something like this since nobody knows what i truly am. |
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#2
Mar 30, 2014, 10:45 PM
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Everyone stares right thru us, ignores us, don't want to understand us, writes us off, pretends we don't have our illnesses because it is not visably seen, etc...
Maybe this man is an angel you should embrace. He sees your pain, validates it, and genuinely seems to care about you. To me, he seems to be a rare gift we don't usually, ever encounter. I would embrace him. |
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#3
Mar 30, 2014, 11:19 PM
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Quote:
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#4
Mar 31, 2014, 06:27 AM
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Agreed. sometimes people come into to our lives for no apparent reason and help us and then they are gone. It has happened to me a number of times. Take what he has to offer.
__________________
The "paradox" is only a conflict between reality and your feeling of what reality "ought to be." -- Richard Feynman Major Depressive Disorder Anxiety Disorder with some paranoid delusions thrown in for fun. Recovering Alcoholic and Addict Possibly on low end of bi polar spectrum...trying to decide. Male, 50 Fetzima 80mg Lamictal 100mg Remeron 30mg for sleep Klonopin .5mg twice a day, cutting this back |
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#5
Mar 31, 2014, 06:39 AM
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This stranger is someone i will need to work next to each and every day. How would i be able to do that?
Viuam, i'm not sure what he offered. |
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#6
Mar 31, 2014, 06:46 AM
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Maybe it is someone you can confide in.
__________________
The "paradox" is only a conflict between reality and your feeling of what reality "ought to be." -- Richard Feynman Major Depressive Disorder Anxiety Disorder with some paranoid delusions thrown in for fun. Recovering Alcoholic and Addict Possibly on low end of bi polar spectrum...trying to decide. Male, 50 Fetzima 80mg Lamictal 100mg Remeron 30mg for sleep Klonopin .5mg twice a day, cutting this back |
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#7
Mar 31, 2014, 06:52 AM
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Sometimes when people see right through us and know what is going on -- that means they either have experienced such things themselves or they have known someone close to them who has or is going through that.
I dont think it is defeat for you. I think it is a new opportunity to get to know someone who sees you as you are and still likes you. In time this person might be a good friend. I have several very good and supportive friends who are much older than me and some who are younger. The thing is -- they 'get' it. The definition of a good friend is someone who know the good the bad and the ugly about you and still thinks you are okay. They love you in spite of yourself. |
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