[Curupira]

I have spent the last 48 hours helping a friend of mine come up with a plan to leave her abusive husband. Mostly verbal though he has made physical threats. We have things mostly sorted out but I am keeping an eye on her.

I am a survivor of childhood abuse, and it is hitting me hard. Much harder than I expected. I have been having flashbacks. My anxiety is rambed up, I want to hide under the covers and cry for the next three days.

So, 2 questions, how do I get over myself since this is not about me and I want be helpful to her instead a useless pile of goo? And, Do you have any resources I can give her? I passed on a few and will be researching sime more tomorrow but any additional help would be greatly appreciated.

First of all. I'm so proud of you for being so strong in the first place look at you go

I don't really know what to say except for to try and lean on your family and friends (us too!). You're stepping up to the plate and honestly, this process might be healing for you as well!

WINGS (Women In Need Growing Stronger) is a group I volunteered for in high school and they're a lovely bunch.

again, I'm so impressed about you stepping up to the plate go you!!

Juat wanted to say well done.

Sounds like you both need to get back to loving the little children you once were as those little children deserve it

love to you xxx

[Curupira]

There are not enough explitives in the English language for how I feel right now. I gathered every resource in my area to provide her with help to get out. But he convinced her to stay last night. I know this pattern, I lived it. And I feel so utterly and completely helpless. I have done everything I can think of to do and I am making sure that I stay open and available to her, non judgemental so I don't get pushed out...

I just don't know what else to do, I know my depression is playing a part here and I just hit a major trigger, and my support network is not available right now. I don't want to spiral, I want to stay in control so I can be helpful, a good friend.

I just feel like such a failiure.

[Altered Moment]

Originally Posted by Curupira

I have spent the last 48 hours helping a friend of mine come up with a plan to leave her abusive husband. Mostly verbal though he has made physical threats. We have things mostly sorted out but I am keeping an eye on her.

I am a survivor of childhood abuse, and it is hitting me hard. Much harder than I expected. I have been having flashbacks. My anxiety is rambed up, I want to hide under the covers and cry for the next three days.

So, 2 questions, how do I get over myself since this is not about me and I want be helpful to her instead a useless pile of goo? And, Do you have any resources I can give her? I passed on a few and will be researching sime more tomorrow but any additional help would be greatly appreciated.

Well if you were triggered and it brought up all this stuff then I would say it is partly about you. How can you process this stuff that has come up in a healthy way so you can let some of it go? Therapy, journaling....I do not know. I don't think you should discount what you are going through though.

I am very sorry she went back and I am sure it is very frustrating for you. I have seen it over and over as well being around Alanon for so many years. Hopefully she will still lean on you and reach out for other support so she can grow and find the strength to leave.

[Nammu]

Originally Posted by Curupira

There are not enough explitives in the English language for how I feel right now. I gathered every resource in my area to provide her with help to get out. But he convinced her to stay last night. I know this pattern, I lived it. And I feel so utterly and completely helpless. I have done everything I can think of to do and I am making sure that I stay open and available to her, non judgemental so I don't get pushed out...

I just don't know what else to do, I know my depression is playing a part here and I just hit a major trigger, and my support network is not available right now. I don't want to spiral, I want to stay in control so I can be helpful, a good friend.

I just feel like such a failiure.

You are not a failure. You can lead a horse to water but you can not force it to drink. You did lead, you did plant the seeds of knowledge in her that she now knows there are alternatives if she should so choose. She knows at least one person outside her relationship who believes and supports her. You did not fail.