A conversation with my bf earlier this evening:

BF: You don't have *insert means here* to *insert method here* tonight do you?
Me: *shakes head*
BF: Well that's a positive

It would be positive if it was true.

[LaborIntensive]

I don't get it...

[atomicc]

Yes me either, but I hope you're okay

Originally Posted by atomicc

Yes me either, but I hope you're okay

Thanks and thank you for keep replying to me, I do notice and it means a lot

[atomicc]

Originally Posted by secretwhisper

Thanks and thank you for keep replying to me, I do notice and it means a lot

But of course, my dear! I've noticed you've been struggling and it makes me worry. I know you will make it through this though.

Originally Posted by atomicc

But of course, my dear! I've noticed you've been struggling and it makes me worry. I know you will make it through this though.

I'm not convinced but thankyou it really does mean a lot.

Just cuddled my dog and now can't stop crying. I hate crying, this isn't what I do. I lock it all inside, don't let anyone see. And now I'm just falling apart. Looking at the means that I allegedly don't have. I don't know that I can make it. Not this time.

I want this to end

[LaborIntensive]

Have you tried finding other things to aid you in relief? Try watching funny videos or calling a friend. Tomorrow is a new day and today isn't forever. No one knows what special good thing may come your way the next day. Go out for a walk and listen to the night air and look at the stars, it help me sometimes. Other nights I try to watch funny videos on youtube or I clean the house.

I don't know what relief I'm looking for anymore. I don't know if there is relief

[Idiot17]

Quote,

'I hate crying, this isn't what I do. I lock it all inside, don't let anyone see. And now I'm just falling apart. Looking at the means that I allegedly don't have. I don't know that I can make it. Not this time.'

no advice just sayin you're not alone in feeling that. It seems like something i would write. lately i too have been letting it out instead of locking it inside and i'm not sure why. Perhaps it's since i no longer care, at the point of no return.
hope the tide turns shortly.
(((((hugs))))))

Originally Posted by Idiot17

Quote,

'I hate crying, this isn't what I do. I lock it all inside, don't let anyone see. And now I'm just falling apart. Looking at the means that I allegedly don't have. I don't know that I can make it. Not this time.'

no advice just sayin you're not alone in feeling that. It seems like something i would write. lately i too have been letting it out instead of locking it inside and i'm not sure why. Perhaps it's since i no longer care, at the point of no return.
hope the tide turns shortly.
(((((hugs))))))

I know the feeling. Even if you don't care, I do. I like you, you seem nice

[Altered Moment]

Hope you are a little better today.

I feel pretty sluggish! But then I guess thats what happens when you drink as much as I did last night and stay up until dawn! *yawn* In fact it's possible I'm still drunk....

But, I made it through the night unscathed so that's something

[Fuzzybear]

(((((((( secretwhisper ))))))))

[LaborIntensive]

Originally Posted by secretwhisper

I feel pretty sluggish! But then I guess thats what happens when you drink as much as I did last night and stay up until dawn! *yawn* In fact it's possible I'm still drunk....

But, I made it through the night unscathed so that's something

[Idiot17]

that's definitely something even if you drank not to do it, you do what it takes sometimes.

[losinghope]

I think I get what you are saying (maybe?), and I want to let you know it is okay to fall apart sometimes...really, it is....and it is ok to cry (I do that a lot)....locking it inside just makes you feel worse. In the words of my dear psych prof " I have a feeling you are a lot like me, having to do everything yourself, and never asking for help. No one expects you to be strong all the time, except for you." Wow, I got super lucky when I signed up for her class....actually, I saw a lot of myself in her, both of us being 'tough farm girls'; funny I have found that a lot more endearing since I have gotten to know her What I am saying is, you don't have to do it all on your own. Try and find a safe supportive person.

I am sure you know your BF is not it. I am sorry you are treated that way. Hang in there.

Oh no he is supportive. Sorry if that came across the wrong way. We've been together for seven years, lived together for nearly three years and he has stuck by me through all my crap. I've had three suicide attempts in the last two years and so he was just checking that I was going to be ok while he went off to do a night shift. The only problem was that I lied about it. If I'd told the truth he would have made me give him the means and got rid of it and probably taken me to my parents for the night so I would be safe when he worked. I just have to be honest about how bad things are otherwise he can't know.