[daisybelle01]

Hi all,
I'm in a massive quandary. I have been referred to the psychiatrist, no one knows how long it will be. The doctor says it could be at least a few weeks.

I am seriously yo-yoing with my moods. I get up and feel ok. Have a massive crash about 10/11 am and end up worrying how i'll possibly manage for another hour. Then I pick up again in the evening.

I'm off work at the moment. I am a nurse and have had 2 periods of long term sick in the last 18 months so I feel like ideally need to be back ASAP. I've had 2 weeks off so far this (3rd) episode.

I just can't tell if I can manage with work. I feel like I'm going crazy sometimes and have paranoid thoughts and feel like I may be dissociating a bit (I honestly don't know if it's me or I actually am) I have the most bizarre dreams and have had a few times when I couldn't remember if something was true or it was a dream I had, and I just don't know what to do with myself. The GP has limited help as I'm on the limit of medication I can be prescribed. I keep going hoping for an olive branch but instead they just say keep on powering through.

Tl;dr I dunno if I can go back to work, what advice or experience can you give me?

Sorry it's a long one.

[regretful]

From the perspective of a person that is not presently employed, I would stay at work. For me the lack of activity is mind numbing and has me hamstrung by depression. As for the dreams that are hard to differentiate between fact/fiction, some of the anti-depressant medication can do that...keep going - don't give up on work. I gave up on work and it is killing me. That's just my 2 cents...

[iditp20]

I am in the same position. I have another 4 weeks til I see a psychiatrist for my assessment. I was off for 3 weeks for exactly the same reason.

I would recommend trying work at reduced hours, it won't make you feel any better but it allows you to loose yourself for a few hours in a safe place

[winter4me]

As a nurse who has been through this over the (many) years, I would recommend trying to work---(does your employer know what the problem is? why you need the time off?---this can make a big difference, if yes, and supportive, you may be able to relax, or try with them knowing you may need to leave)-----at work no one ever knew; and I look back and am amazed at how well I did my job even during times of extreme stress (with flashbacks, numbness from the waist down, panic, some paranoia...). I learned that if I kept busy, focused on the task at hand, and didn't forget to breathe, it was the rare person who noticed something was amiss. I used (still do at times) the bathroom/sink and handwashing as quick regrouping time (deep breathing quietly, and counting, taking time to wash well) because, well, who can fault a nurse for washing hands? ---don't know if this helps...
There is something about the structure at work that helps, even when things have a strange, sharp, almost surreal look....
When I began, near 40yrs ago, we did not speak of such things...and the meds I needed did not exist...
These days, I am more apt to take a mental health day, and once, in my life (in the past two years) actually did ask my doc. for time off due to PTSD s/s which he granted without a problem----(work asked no questions, but I did hear that there were rumors going about re: why I was off, so someone talked to someone who talked....I just chose to ignore the probing from co-workers, didn't respond...went about my work...it even got to one of the patients...I ignored that too...Later, I did kick myself a bit for not going to the DON to confront her about her failure to maintain my privacy...but...oh well...) There are pros and cons to openness, it can protect you, or you maybe undermined depending on the workplace and the people----no one ever questioned my abilities till I told someone of my problem.
Hang in there, whatever you decide to do. Thoughts with you. ((hug))

[daisybelle01]

Thanks for the replies,

The doc took the decision out of my hands and has signed me off for 4 weeks. She refused to let me go back until my meds have changed and stabilised. So that made the decision easier for me. So far work is very supportive and I can't fault my manager, however, I have the guilt of letting my coworkers down, as you do with this profession, they'll struggle without me and I know that.

Feel very shocked about how forceful the gp was about it. In hindsight she was what I needed 5 years ago with my last episode. I need someone to take the decision out of my hands and to take that pressure off my shoulders. It does help with a bit of the guilt.

I think I'm developing psychosis symptoms. She was quite concerned about the things I mentioned above, no wonder she doesn't want me back at work really!

[Altered Moment]

I lost my last two jobs due to depression. I was forcing myself to show up everyday which should have helped the depression but it continued to get worse until I just could not get out of bed. I knew they would have to let me go. I was in that one for 8 months after. Did good for 3 months and then another 6 month episode. I felt forced to apply for SSI. It's on appeal and I have no idea if I will win. I am doing good right now but how can I expect an employer to put up with me missing a huge amount of work. I dunno what to do.

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[tigerlily84]

I reached a point last week where I feel like I hit a wall. I don't know how else to describe it. My boss sent me an email detailing what I was doing wrong and then sent an email to the entire team that showed exactly how many mistakes I had made over the previous month. I couldn't take it. It was my breaking point after 5 years of this job and my depression getting worse and worse. I called my company's SEP program and I'm off work for 4 weeks. The therapist I was referred to was also quite forceful in telling me that I needed time off and that I needed to make an appointment with my GP to get back on medication. I was unable to make that decision on my own.

I feel guilty about being off work but I don't like my job at all, so I'm not feeling too badly about it. I'm trying to figure out what I want to do.

You're not alone.

[iditp20]

I am the opposite, I have nothing against my job. I just find it impossible, I'm not able to function and have 4 weeks before I get assessed, but I can't get signed off again cause I will get fired