[Anony]

First of all, I hope everyone had a Merry Christmas and I don't wish to lighten anyone's holiday spirit, but I'm going through a very tough time right now. I don't want to go into my whole life story, but my mom, sister, and I aren't very close to the rest of our relatives (grandparents, uncles, cousins, etc.), but my dad is, so on Christmas Eve we went to give them our presents and wish them a Merry Christmas. Well, my grandma (who is famous for ruining get togethers) very quickly made things awkward among everyone. I couldn't take it and my face turned purple and hot and I couldn't breathe. I excused myself to the bathroom and for the life of me, I couldn't get myself to come back out and return to the family room. After I was going a long while I finally met my mom in the hallway and she calmed me down a little. I spent the rest of the time huddled with my sister, talking so that no one else could talk to me.
Early this morning, we took my sister to the airport (I know I've mentioned this many times before). I had dreaded this day for over a month and I couldn't believe it was already here. As we said goodbye to her, I clenched my teeth as hard as I could to prevent the tears from flowing. If I was going to cry, I wouldn't let it happen in front of her (then she would start crying as well). I did a good job of putting on a front. When we returned to the car, the instant we got in my mom broke down, which of course triggered me to cry as well. I'm scared to walk around the house, because everything I see reminds me of her and it breaks my heart. Right now, we're still waiting on her phone call during her wait for her first plane change. *Sigh* I feel so weak and useless. I have no one to talk to (besides my mom now, but she's a little vulnerable right now), so PC is my savior for the moment.

[gwen26]

wow,
it sounds like you have had a very emotional holiday.
it's good to hear that you kept your composer when things got heated. (remember there is a time and place for everything. ) i'm sorry to hear that you and your mom is emotional when it comes to your sister. try to think positive and remain strong.
gwen

[Perna]

It's hard. I'm the youngest of 5 children and when my next older brother went to college and I was "alone" at home (and I didn't get on/talk well with my stepmother) it was very very hard. I retreated. If I could do it all again I would think of a project (could be something as simple as starting a journal) and then get out of the house to work on it (go shopping for the "right" notebook/pen, whatever). I'd decide to learn a craft or learn to cook, take a course, etc. and use whatever to help me get my mind off the harder parts of "being alone" until some time had passed and things had normalized/routinized a bit. By then, hopefully, I'd be progressing in whatever I had decided to learn, would have gone to bookstores/library/school for instruction and maybe met someone or gotten additional ideas (learned of a group to join of people with similar interests) and would feel a bit better.

[Anony]

Thanks for the quick replies. We received a call from sister, which made me feel a little better already. The airlines made some mistake and bumped her up to first class for her 14 hour flight. That made me feel even better, knowing that she'll be more comfortable. That is a good idea (Perna) to think of a project or hobby to help me adjust to the situation. I like to do a lot of artistic things and actually one of my Christmas gifts was a very nice fashion designing program, so I think that will keep me busy for now. I think the toughest part of her leaving is that feeling of instant loneliness. It's just that burst of change.

[breezer]

The holidays can be rough...

the seeming obligation to interact with people who throughout the year don't have much to say to us or about us unless they are gossiping with "auntie jane", "uncle ****" or "cousin susie" about us or our immediate family can be a dreaded occasion. For families that are not close knit ( are there any besides the ones on TV???) it can be a tense encounter. Celebrate the people who matter most to you around the holidays and don't let "GRANDMA GRUMPENSTEIN" ruin your time. I'm not suggesting you call her out on her manipulative negative behavior, just focus on the people you want to connect with and shower them with goodwill, and smile sympathetically AT THE INDIVIDUALS WHO CANNOT PUT THEIR RESERVATIONS AND ATTITUDES ASIDE IN THE SPIRIT OF the holiday season. It is their loss.

(SORRY about the Caps, I didn't mean to shout. Must have hit cap lock by accident!)

Glad you are going to channel your energies towards being creative to cope with missing your sister, and glad you had the opportunity to connect with her and put your mind a little at ease.

Peace to You.

-Breezer

[Christina86]

((((((((((((((Anony)))))))))))))))))

[jacq10]

(((((Anony)))))

I'm sorry to hear about your sister leaving I know how it hurts when a loved one leaves you ..... but atleast you know that she will be back! She is still in your life and most especially in your heart. Right now it is really tough, but i promise it will get easier, and you can do this. Talk with your mom, be each others support system, i'm sure she needs you just as much as you need her right now.

Hope you are feeling better

[PaulS]

Tough situations - I think you are stronger sometimes and don't give yourself credit. Besides, it's not weak to have feelings.
I think abaout how huge my feelings can become for me - it is just how it is, but feelings are only one kind of reality..... so we judge ourselves, others judge -

hey, I'm not up to being too wise here - The holidays are tough in part because even when it's good it isn't as wonderful as we hoped for and needed. I was lucky to be alone hristmas day with loved ones calling me. Restful but not lonesome.