[Christina86]

So I'm home for the holidays. I don't like saying this, but my family has this nasty habit of making me feel extraordinarily awful. Mostly my stepdad, who winds up drinking a lot - he's drank every day since I've been home. And not just one drink either. He's on "stress leave", approved by his doctor.

Regardless, I'm having a hard time right now and trying very hard to not be miserable or cry or make myself more depressed.

Strange thing is, I just found out today that he's (stepdad) suffers from SAD (seasonal affective disorder) and yet he's been VEHDEMENTLY opposed to psychological help, counselling or medication. And yet he's perfectly fine with taking stress leave because it's under the guise that he's stressed and not depressed.

Excuse me while I scream here now .... AHHHH!!!

Now I'm going to go off and be mopey and ponder why my family's mission is to add to my current stresses and tear me down ...

They've essentially made me feel worthless and stupid ... and then claim to "love me". They don't know the meaning of the phrase. Especially when all I want is the truth, and not to force them to tell me that.



I hate my life, I hate me and I'm really disliking my family. Sorry if I sound self-centred and mean when I should be thankful for my family, but I'd do anything to get away from them... I really would.

hey............ i understand your pain that the family causes. us mental cases need more love and understanding and sometimes family is the last place that we get it.

your PC family is here and will be here throughout the holidays to help you get through this. i'm sorry that the SD drinks. nasty thing to do to celebrate Christmas!!!!!!

i'm going to contact you and maybe cheer you up a little bit........love, pat

okie, dokie!!! i rigged up the internet tubes (i called that senator that knows how all that works) and put a message in one of those tubey deals (like at the bank) and it should be banging down in front of you immediately.......unless the tubes are slow today.......love, pat

[Christina86]

Thanks (((((((Pat)))))))))))

It's okay, its only for 1 week, 2 days now.

I really shouldn't complain so much ... but thanks for listening.

did the internet tubes work?

[Christina86]

Don't think so...

yes, they did...........

[jacq10]

((((((canders))))) you don\'t sound self-centered or selfish at all. You sound like someone who just wants their family to understand and respect them. I really do hate to hear that you are hurting as you are, but trust me when i say that i understand your pain, maybe not in exactly the same way, but i DO understand. And sometimes parents don\'t understand the significance of their actions, and they seem like they'\re in their own world ... but these are the times when you have to look to others in your life for strength. You know that saying "you can't pick your parents but you can pick your friends" or something like that, well its true. Christmas is a really hard time of year so it is also the time to turn to those that you do trust, and it is those people that you can let yourself become vulnurable to. I know its hard, and its not going to "fix" things, but it might help to make things a little more bearable. -ps I can be one of those people for you if you so choose -

Thinking of ya,
Take good care
Jacq

[Christina86]

Thanks (((((((((Jacqueline)))))))))))

and ((((((((((((Pat))))))))))))))

Merry Christmas/Happy Holidays as of this minute!! LOL

[(JD)]

I'm sorry they impose upon your feelings that way

Please try to have a good holiday... how they treat you isn't who you are. Be who you are, or even who you want and plan to be! Act the part, be the adult, don't be the mother or dad... just be, today!

Make some plans...at least one, and follow through..and while you take that walk or watch that movie, think about how great it is to be doing what you want. TC.

[sparkling]

Hey, Canders. I know family can be a pain in the ***** sometimes. Mine has thankfully left for holiday and I'm staying at home with my cat only. Hang in there, hugs.

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[PasDeDeux]

Canders....you're one of the nicest people I have met on this site that makes me even more sorry the family is being such a pain
I hope you can find some peace and pleasure in the days to come..

[Christina86]

((((((((Sky)))))))))

((((((((sparkling)))))))))

((((((((PasDeDeux)))))))))

Thanks for your nice words.

We've not fought so far today (and it is 2:30pm) so I guess this has been a fairly good day. Except for some nasty words about my physical health, but I guess I deserved that.

Much love y'all.

[(JD)]

nope not buying it, you don't deserve nasty comments about anything! hope the day gets even better for you!

[jacq10]

[Fuzzybear]

((((((((((((((( Christina ))))))))))))))))

[Christina86]

I kinda do Sky, at least in comparison to everyone else in the family (only one overweight)- funny thing is my friends never say anything bad, but whatever. I guess its in my best interests to lose a lot of weight, and I guess I will.

Thanks (((((((((Sky)))))))))))
(((((((((((Jacqueline)))))))))))))
(((((((((((((Fuzzy)))))))))))))))

[Christina86]

Excuse me while I go sit in a corner and cry now...

My mother's told me to go a doctor. Claims she's worried that I'm depressed (haha, she doesnt know about the therapy) and I could be suicidal (I'm not really).

Wonders what I could possibly be stressed about or depressed about ... hmmmmmmm I wonder *sarcasm*.

So there is very little doubt in my mind now that I've worried my mother more (not my intent, I just can't get up the energy to do anything etc) and that she won't give up her argument to have me go to the doctors until I actually do.

Well ... at least they don't know about the SIng. Or the therapy. Very thankful for small miracles.

I'm from a family of hypocrites who criticize and make fun of everyone I happen to care about and things I believe in ... I just need a break from my family. I want to crawl into bed and stay there, no luck being here with them that will ever happen.

If I hear one more word from them that cutting is a stupid coping mechanism I will snap. It's at least better than me bottling like they all do.

*grumbles, sighs and cries*

[sparkling]

Hey girl... (((((( Christina )))))) Want to have a ride with me and the Space Monkeys Pat sent over here? I think we might be flying to the Mars to spend the rest of the holidays there. Maybe visit other planets too. It might be fun, you are welcome to join in...