[CurioussKent]

Okay...so i don't know where to begin...
To be honest...i dont want to live. There are extremely short bursts of happiness in my life but those are followed by extreme numbness/sadness/anger. I don't want to live because life has no more meaning to me...i used to love going to school and drawing...and a lot of stuff. Now i just want to sleep or stare at things blankly. I get bored easily now...and it's harder to do my work. I act all happy around other people but surely and slowly the act is dying out. Things i used to get excited about barely hold my attention for more than a few seconds. I'm obese(by medical factors) and i cant do sports well at all. I feel as if everyone hates me and i mess up everything. If i say something i get teased or yelled at...if i dont i still get hurt. I constantly think of killing myself and i know i should get help but...i cant. I dont know how to obtain my medical card from my mom(im scared of her)...and i wont be the same once im on the medication...
Some answers would be extremely nice and thank you for reading.

[kaliope]

I was once so hopeless but I found the right meds and it was like a miracle for me. I disagree that you wouldn't be yourself on meds..maybe some would be that way, but don't take those. keep changing till you find the ones that work for you. it might be a pain in the *** and the drs don't like it but it is really life changing when you find the right meds. ive been through about every med there is but I didn't give up and I totally feel normal on them. better yet, the darkness went away, the hopelessness is gone. and I only took antidepressants for a couple years and I was able to get off them and the depression never came back. you need to get brave enough to ask for your medical card. tell her you want to go for a sinus infection or something. take care.

[LaborIntensive]

Call social services and tell them you would like counseling.

[Altered Moment]

I don't agree you would not be yourself on meds. I have taken meds for almost twenty years and they have never made me feel less than myself. In fact when they are working I feel much more like my real self. Depression robs me of my real self.

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[Curupira]

I was also worried about medication. i resisted it for a very long time. Years in fact. I tried every other Psychological therapy available first. I was afraid the meds would change me, that I would lose all those things that made me me, that it would flatten me out and make me numb. That didn't happen. It has not been all kittens and rainbows my psychiatrists and I had to test a couple of drugs first before we found the right combo and we are still working out some kinks.

The important thing is that I told him what I could and could not live live with ( I cannot tolerate a loss of cognitive function) and he works around me. I am vocal about what works and what doesn't and he adjust my dosage and persciptions accordingly.

Medication can really help if you feel like there is no place else to go. It can give you breathing room to find a different persoective.

[A.Lone]

While I enjoy some tv shows and movies, I think some of them also scare people away from taking anti-depressants or other meds; the entertainment world shows too many personality changes from taking meds and rarely have I seen shows/movies that show the positive effects. TV ads for anti-depressants (or any meds) don't help with all their warnings/side effects either. Keep in mind that's lawyer speak on behalf of the pharm. companies caused by too many lawsuits. I'm just tossing this number in the air so don't quote me, but if one person out of 1,000 has a bad side effect/reaction, expect a warning about it. Don't know if this is causing your fear of meds or not.

I'm like you in that I have lost interest in things I really used to enjoy.

I am taking an anti-anxiety med which is at least semi-controversial, but it does work for me. The problem is finding an anti-depressant med that works. Unfortunately everyone is different and I guess that's why it's so difficult to find meds that do work. Hate to say this, but you will feel like a guinea pig in finding the proper med(s) for you and perhaps lose hope that you will find something (that's about where I am now). But at least for me and all I've tried, they haven't affected my inner personality; they've just caused some side effects I didn't care for (nothing major) and the benefits weren't worth it. So on to the next, and next... But with every med that doesn't "agree" with me, I will stop taking it

First you need to find a doctor or shrink that you can connect with (which can be easier said than done - been there, doing that). And just hope like I am that there is a medication out there that's right for you. I don't know if what I've written helps at all, but it is what I've experienced and going through now.