[wish_I_was]

I don't know how much longer I can live with feeling this way. I try to be a good friend, go out of my way to gladly be there for people, cheer people up, make people happy, be a shoulder to cry on. But everyone just discards me like a piece of garbage. Nobody cares. I put myself out there and try to be everything for some people and they make no effort back. I'm so incredibly lonely and feel completely useless. There is no reason for my being. I daydream of ways to "go". Driving my car in the rain today...it would be easy to have a single car accident. On top of that I have a genetic condition that makes all the joints in my body dislocate and sublux randomly, constant pain, no energy because of my pain meds and antidepressants (they aren't working anymore I'm thinking). I live a miserable existence. All I want is for someone to give a damn about me but I'm treated like gum on the bottom of people's shoes. What is so terribly wrong with me that I'm treated like a plague???

[gayleggg]

There is nothing wrong with you, but sounds like you aren't finding true friends. I've found most people to be incredebly self centered. Also, life for some just moves so fast they don't take the time to be good friends. I think some have forgotten what it means, even. You may feel lonely but you are certainly not useless. We are here for a reason, but I can't figure out what my reason is either. I've had the same thoughts as you about ending it all, but something keeps telling things may get better. I'm depressed if you haven't already figured that out. I struggle daily with it. I, too, have medical problems that make me even feel worse. But I keep going for what little family I have left with the hopes of making a few more memories.

Keep fighting. There are good people on here that are willing to listen and be friends. And don't give up on the outside world. A new real friend may be right around the next corner for you.

[waterknob1234]

I understand how you feel. I've been there where I give my all to others out of love and it seems like its not appreciated. You seem like such a good sweet person. I also know how arthritis pain is being I suffer with it too. I have days I ask God why am I still here. Know that we love you here and we care about you. Don't give up. You are not useless, you sound like a very good person. Hang in there.

[wish_I_was]

Gayle: thank you so much for the kind words. I am here as a last ditch effort to find friends that can actually return my love and are appreciative of a good friendship. I think you're right in that so many people live so fast these days that they don't stop and think about the truly important things in life. And yes, some people think scraping by and giving the bare minimum makes them a good friend. But they quickly disappear when you reach out to them or invite them to hang out. I wouldn't even be so despairing if this wasn't a very common occurrence in my life. Finding true friends is so hard. Why does it have to be that way? I'm a very affectionate and giving person. Sometimes I wish I wasn't that way at all.

[wish_I_was]

Waterknob: thank you so much for your response!! You are so incredible sweet, I wish I could give you a hug!! My pain is similar to arthritic pain so I understand how you feel everyday. The hard part for me is the loss of function. I used to be so active and more independent. I feel like that all is being slowly (and sometimes more quickly) being taken away from me. I have Ehlers-Danlos syndrome. Not too many people have heard of it. I think my pain meds lessen the effectiveness of my antidepressants at times. I'm caught between the proverbial "rock and hard place". Is your pain well controlled? Mine is maybe 30% of the time, but I was told I will never have a pain-free day for the rest of my life. Its a huge adjustment to handle. You sound like such a sweet person and I'm sorry for all that you've had to ensure in your life. Good people seem to get the brunt of life sometimes.