[Viuam]

I cant live like this anymore. I am losing myself. I want to be left alone and can't because life simply continues with or without me. How can I end it quickly and painlessly? That's all I really want anyway and I am too afraid to do it. Why can't I just stay in my room indefinitely? Just shove food under the door and keep the internet running. Now I get why some criminals feel safer in prison. Not that I'm criminally inclined in case anyone thinks that. I just want to be left alone, I can't function and I cant do this.

[Altered Moment]

Who is not leaving you alone?

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I mostly just want to be left alone too. Being in prison or a psych ward would be very easy like you said but it would also suck because you can't do want you want (I don't think you'd have unlimited internet access at least and you would be forced to do various things and would be totally under the control of others which would suck). Plus in prison people would try to push you around and stuff. I have contemplated that before though, how much easier it would be to be institutionalized.

Also dying would suck because then you just won't experience anything at all. I can understand how that would be desirable to a certain degree depending on the situation, but even though I'm miserable and reclusive I prefer to experience something to nothing at this point.

Anyways I know the above is very logical and whatever and probably doesn't help that much because you've already thought of all of it. But that's the logic I use to talk myself into sticking around and trying to maintain my "freedom" (if that's the right word for it). I've had plenty of suicidal ideation throughout my life but killing myself seems even more pointless than what I do now (which does seem extremely pointless to me).

Take care man, maybe you can change meds or get into therapy / change therapists or make a lifestyle change or something. ***** life, it's overrated! Don't give up though, you can get to a better place. The best part about reaching the point we're at is that there's nowhere to go but up and even if it's just up a little bit it's way better.

Blah, blah, blah I like to hear myself talk. This probably wasn't helpful but I took the time to write it so I'm posting it anyways.

Originally Posted by zinco14532323

Who is not leaving you alone?

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I assumed you just meant you want everybody to leave you alone. Was I right or is it more specific? Most of the time I want everybody to leave me alone so maybe I jumped to conclusions based on that.

[Altered Moment]

I guess I meant that maybe the people who are not leaving him alone could learn that maybe that it is the best thing to do at times.

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[Altered Moment]

I want every one to leave me alone when depressed but I have to interact with some people. At first my parents thought the best way to help was to push me to get up and get some exercise or take a shower. It didn't really help. They talked to my pdoc and after that they took a hands off approach.

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[Idiot17]

Sorry, i got the same question as you, how can i end it quickly and painlessly?

[Viuam]

Hey. Yeah, I want everyone to leave me alone. I can't be normal and have a life, and people just don't understand that and push and call and nag. I just want to be in one room. They just want me to get up and do whatever, when I can't. If they really gave a **** I'd be on meds with a doctor. Instead it's apparently better to just wish things away. It's not going to go away, my brain is rotten.

[Idiot17]

Can definitely relate to that. Want to be left alone since if they care i would be on meds and have a t instead of shoving everything under the carpet.
(((((viuam)))))

My family was like that - like everything is "just fine" and thought I just needed to "buck up" or whatever. It's total crap. I didn't get help until I was 21 and basically had a total mental breakdown. It was clear to see I needed help many years before that.

Have you both already tried explaining point blank that you are really having a hard time with depression/anxiety and you need to see a doctor? If you have and still can't get help them I'm really sorry because that is terrible... if not I would say that my family was like that too but I regret not just telling them "I really, really need help" long before I got help. I was screaming it as loud as I could through my behavior but nobody seemed to notice.

I was taught the total opposite so it really didn't even occur to me - I was taught to just deal with things and pretend everything is great so that's what I did until I was having panic attacks with intense physical symptoms that were impossible to ignore. If I had gotten help earlier I think I would also be much mentally healthier today at 30...

Meds and therapy CAN help you. I don't know what situation you are both in but I hope that there is some way you can get help whether it's immediate family, extended family, a school councilor, a family doctor, a local walk-in clinic or wherever...

[Viuam]

Yeah, about two years ago I went to a psychiatrist after much pleading and got a half assed treatment which consisted of 15mg of Lexapro and a monthly visit. No therapy, and after a few months my family insisted that I was ok and I didn't need anything because "I didn't have a mental illness". No, because that is awful in the family and completely unacceptable. Its better to wish things away even though it doesn't work rather than admit that I'm sick and I am NOT going to get better.