Confliction

Hey ToeJam, I know it's hard to believe sometimes in something that one cannot physically interact with or know is there somehow. But, I don't know if you perhaps believe in spirits/ghosts - the "energy" of someone if you will that has passed away. Basically, God is in spirit form. Some people are lucky (sometimes unlucky) enough to see these spirits with their eyes, like you would any other human form. The thing is, He is a spirit that you can think of basically as the Father of the very first human being - so He has your form and looks like you, and even feels all the things you feel. The same applies to angels, and yes, even the more evil spirits too, including the devil. They are very much active in your life, but work in ways that are not always clear to any of us. But, I don't know if you have ever experienced the sensation of something happening in your life at point X in time, then things looking like they're going horribly wrong up until point Y in time, and then many years later at point Z in time, you realize how it has worked out and many times it is a much better outcome than anything you could have thought up, just because you couldn't maybe see the plan unfold over time. Well, I believe that is the work of God. But, by the same token, sometimes some things happen in your life that seem so wonderful, and also seem like the right thing to do at the time, and then many years later the whole thing unravels and you end up with a mess, that again is the work of the devil. I've experienced both case 1 and case 2 already, but case 1 (God) always has a way of fixing whatever balls up case 2 may be, but it is difficult to see the answer. Faith then is basically allowing yourself to let case 1 take its course even if it seems like things are getting worse - that is just case 2 trying to hold on and get you back under its control - not allowing it to keep its hold and letting case 1 run its full course is then basically what faith is. But, I'm sure as we've all seen in our lives - easier said than done!

Oh, and anyone who claims to have seen God, is lying, because He said that anyone who sees his face will be dead. So, no psychic, medium, ghost-whisperer, or whatever has ever seen him - "No man shall see my face, lest he die".

Hopefully the following is neither dismissive nor disrespectful… certainly not my intent, just writing in an honest and open way. As such I will say straight off, thank you for writing it and taking the time to explain to me.

Having read it though, it’s as if in a language I don’t understand…. Think that’s the best way I can describe it… but that’s not to say that it doesn’t have value. My dad was brought up as a spiritualist, his parents were part of the spiritualist church and, according to my father, my granddad could detect energy from artefacts like rings for example.

For my own growing up however, it was very much from my Mother… who was brought up right in the midst of the troubles in Belfast. Never really shared much with me as to why she is an atheist… but I think it has much to do with the conflict and what she saw as hypocrisy and the use of religion as an excuse for conflict. What she did impart to me was that she only believed in what she could see, smell, hear and touch… and that hit of a resonant chord with me.

I have never seen a ghost or spirit… and though I would never challenge someone who say they did, I’m a sceptic… I think of the variables that led towards that vision and I draw back to the ‘see, smell, hear and touch’... the tangible. Could very well be that I am closing my mind to it as it’s something I can’t comprehend… and let’s face it, so wrapped up sometimes in my own head that something would have to slap me in the face to acknowledge it.



Like I said though, I wish that I was more open to having faith… that my existence was not just a matter of circumstances and that I was not alone… but sadly that’s the way I see it

I apologise for getting into a debate on this, religion can be a contentious arena to talk on and I don’t want to offend anybody or rile up agitation. With that said, happy to chat (and I always try to stick to being respectful on topics like this) in pm

I get what you're saying. And, I never criticize anyone on what they believe, because I think most of the so-called religions have it wrong anyway. I truly believe sometimes that athiests are closer to God and the truth than Christians even. I've maintained for years that if Christ ever came back, he would scold all the churches in this world for how they have misled the people.

All I would like to add is, religion DOES NOT equal faith, that's a big thing many miss. Without reading one page of the Bible or putting one foot in church, you can have more faith than even the Pope. I know you're probably laughing your head off at this point, but it's true.

Well, today is that day. Been getting waves of sadness a lot this morning… at work and just quietly getting on with it.. conscious that anxiety is there for whatever reason and just trying to ignore it.

Mum called about 5 mins ago, pretty unexpected but just to say that she was aware of the significance of today and is thinking of him and me. Thanked her, was nice of her to call.. couldn’t really chat though as in the office.

I hope you are feeling as ok as you can today thinking of you

Thank you for the reply, it means a lot. I know that threads kind of run their course regarding views and responses… so though I didn’t want to make an additional thread, stayed calm and have not let the lack of notice take hold… and just use the thread for my own outpour… to get it into word.

Had two running images going through my head today… both sadly during the time when my dad was no longer really there, so dosed up on morphine and what other pain killing drugs they were pumping into him.

The first being him having what I could only equate to what someone with alzheimers would have – was convinced my mother had been at the hospice with him, that he needed to talk to her again… got so agitated (she hadn’t seen or spoke to him in about 7 years), I calmed him down, didn’t argue with him, just said that she wasn’t there at the moment but I could call her later if he wanted to speak to her… once he settled down, I did just that and bless her, my mum did a fantastic job (must have been hard for her, they had separated on bad terms).

The other, he had in fact gone. Those with me (his sisters and my wife) left the room to let me say my final goodbye. Was just so numb looking at him… didn’t recognise him at all, I just felt so detached, like what was in front of me was a mock up, a mannequin, where my dad should be … In addition to that I felt great regret for all of the things I had wanted to say… but never did.

Kissed him on the head, told him I loved him, turned and left.

Sorry for sharing all of that... not sure why I have. Reading it helps me to digest I guess.

It's horrible the way the bad times are the ones that seem to stick in your mind. When I think of my grandad and my great nan, the only two deaths I've thankfully had to go through, the first images that come to mind are similar to what you just described. Both being completely out of it on drugs and me in a state of fear. I didn't know what to say or do and would just sit there in silence.

There are good times though, and I think we have to make that conscious decision to push the bad memories away and remind ourselves of what we loved about them, what made us smile, what still makes us smile.

That wasn't really your dad, try to remember all the good times and smile that you were lucky to have had him in your life. I know it's hard but maybe it will help