[nathanabc4]

My name is Nate and i am 21. This life is proving to be a waste of time and i feel like i am always isolated from the people i want in my life because its true, it doesn't make any sense anymore and im getting tired of it. I lost my mom in a tragic fire 11 years ago when i was 9 years. Some of you probably know about it, it was the Rhode Island Station Nightclub Fire and my brother was 2 at the time. I was seperated from my brother a year later and so we only see eachother once a year, it used to only be for 2 weeks for some years and now we get to see eachother for about a month and a half because he lives in another state. And we both hate being seperated. Of course i don't cry cause i don't show my feelings. I went to counseling for abut 5 years to different counselors and through many different groups and i never succeeded cause i was never willing to talk about my feelings and i still don't. But well lets just say my best friend from high school i never get to talk to her anymore cause like always i get seperated from the important people in my life.

It was last year when i started getting really depressed about everything about my mom not being here since she pasted away and being separated from my brother. And you know somthing great happened at least i thought it was, my cousin that i havent seen like for 10 years since we were young, i got her number from my aunt because she said that she had recently got in touch with her. And i started talking to her and then like always some magical stuff happens and she goes off to college and i havent been able to talk to her in about 7 months i think, i havent counted because it aggravates, because she is so tied up with work and college. So this life is pretty stupid now, and i only get isolated from the people i want in my life, and you wonder why im depressed. I mean is it really that hard to have someone you want in your life! its the same game over and over again.

My family doesn't even know im depressed cause i haven't said anything, and i don't want to cause i don't want to talk to them about. My cousin was the only one i was willing to talk to and now im back to square one. So in conclusion i don't need anyone anymore!

IDK im confused now, ever since i graduated high school 2 years ago ive been feeling lost. I live by myself with my grandparents!

[slummerville]

I remember the nightclub fire very well. Are you seeing any doctors or counsellors at the moment? Are you working or in school? I can imagine how isolating it is to lose your mother to such a tragic event. I find it inspiring that you have managed to survive this long without crippling depression. Strengthening your support system through family or friends or a therapist helps with the isolation, I believe. If you are just starting out to combat the depression and isolation, starting to talk about it eases things, I think -- you don't feel so alone talking to someone you trust. Also, someone you trust can be a therapist if you arent sure about friends or family.

Sorry you feel this way. Everything takes time, especially starting on a road to recovery for depression. Just expressing something on the internet is a start, I think.

[bloom25]

It's a great start that your speaking out here atleast......
n it must be rough on u for sure...
Well on the bright side u ve git grandparents with u
I don't even know what to suggest u but the only thing I'm gonna tell u is..believe I youself.
Be happy thinking that ur loved ones are there somewhere happy n stay happy...
N belive your mom must be watching u from heaven n that she'll be sad if you are. .
I know how it feels to be lonely .Trust me, I really do..
But somehow try to push youself to do the things u love n don't leave yourself with any time to think or ponder on this sadness of yours...
And I don't talk Abt my problems either but u can try writing all your feelings in a diary Cuz they are best secret keepers n they listen silently....
I'm not sure I helped you but do try these...
And remember EVERYTHING WILL BE OKAY ........

[waterknob1234]

Hi Nate, welcome to pc. It sounds like life is very hard for you and I am sorry for that. I lost my parents 4 and a half years ago and I still miss them. But to lose your mom when you are 9 years old is devastating. Are you working, going to school? Even though you may not feel up to it, getting out in the world and finding good stuff to do may help. I hope you can find someone you can talk to whom you trust close by. Keep posting to us. This is a loving, caring community. You can always talk to us.