[Idiot17]

I will not do this any longer. There is no reason to. No reason to fight uncontrollable feeling/thoughts. No reason to struggle with the understanding of it. Best off for all is if I just don't do it any longer.
I will just submit. I will no longer fight my stronger desires, my stronger thoughts. I will submit to it all and **** where that leads me to cuz I don't care. I don't care anymore. I had enough. I lost interest in trying to have things work out better.

[michaelrn]

I don't like seeing anybody likes this. I've been there. I know nothing about what you're going through or what you are truly feeling, and I know from experience it can be so frustrating to feel so alone/hopeless. You get to a point where you let whatever you've been fighting take over you, and you don't have any interest to fight or make yourself happy anymore. I feel it helps more to have someone you can relate to, other than having someone constantly telling you it will get better and to keep trying. I hear that all the time, and I'm thankful for those people, but I'm sick of hearing it. You have to dig deeper than you've ever dug before and get yourself out of this pit, and I believe in you.

If you want to talk to me more in detail about whats going on, I'd be glad to listen and share some of my stories with you, too. Just private message me.

Feel better.

[healingme4me]

I have had those days and moments.

Thing is, on my own principles, it's better, for me, when I accept, that in accepting them, leaving tomorrow beyond my control, 'tis a certain probability, at least is an educated guesstimate, by leaving it out of my control I won't be subjugated that each day to follow will be as bad if not worse than the one before it. I find peace with my statistical hunch.

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(((((((((((((Idiot17))))))))))))))

[depressedalaskan]

You might be right. It takes so much energy to fight depression that I have no energy for anything else.

[Fuzzybear]

(((((((( Idiot17 ))))))))

[gayleggg]

Idiot17 Hand in there.

[Momentofclarity]

we care

[Rohag]

Originally Posted by healingme4me

I find peace with my statistical hunch.

I too try to seek "better living through statistics." It's certainly not less effective than other methods.

Originally Posted by Idiot17

No reason to fight uncontrollable feeling/thoughts.

Paradoxically, you may start feeling better - or not feeling so bad - when you stop investing psychic energy in attempting to control the uncontrollable.

Here's to you and to the long-term success of this new approach, I17!

i get what you are saying.... sometimes just "submitting" to it sounds better.

F*** it. It wins.

[randomrants32]

Sometimes giving in might have better consequences. Just don't think about killing yourself.

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[Idiot17]

I want to run. I want to hide. I want to evaporate.

[HuxleysParadox]

Don't let it win! Don't be selfish! You don't think it now but you are needed.

I'm so sorry it has come to this, Idiot17. Hopefully, out of this debacle will come some kind of renewal that will make it possible for you to once again move forward.

[Patagonia]

(((Idiot17)))
Hang in there w/us! I know how hopelessness feels. Can you take it hr by hr today & see how you make it thru the day. Each hr is a small success.
You are valuable Idiot17!

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[DogTired]

Been feeling that way myself lately, too. I'd tell you to hang in there, but I'm tired of hearing that too. Sometimes "f*** it" is the best option from a menu of crappy options.

[Altered Moment]

I honestly believe that sometimes total surrender and acceptance is a part of the solution. there is certainly more peace in it and it may lead to a whole new outlook and path.

Originally Posted by zinco14532323

I honestly believe that sometimes total surrender and acceptance is a part of the solution. there is certainly more peace in it and it may lead to a whole new outlook and path.

Well said, Zinco!

[Idiot17]

Originally Posted by zinco14532323

I honestly believe that sometimes total surrender and acceptance is a part of the solution. there is certainly more peace in it and it may lead to a whole new outlook and path.

For me, total surrender means giving into all temptations and urges to finish yourself off. This is sort of working out so far.
Yet i'm assuming the definition of total surrender for you differs. What may that be?

[waterknob1234]

It's almost easier to surrender to the depression because for me, it takes too much energy to fight it. But I would hate for you to finish yourself off because underneath the misery and depression, you are a valuable person. Stay safe.

[Momentofclarity]

Originally Posted by Idiot17

For me, total surrender means giving into all temptations and urges to finish yourself off. This is sort of working out so far.
Yet i'm assuming the definition of total surrender for you differs. What may that be?

Originally Posted by waterknob1234

It's almost easier to surrender to the depression because for me, it takes too much energy to fight it. But I would hate for you to finish yourself off because underneath the misery and depression, you are a valuable person. Stay safe.

I agree with waterknobb. I wish I could be there with you... and support you. I don't really know what to say... All I feel I can do is offer to pm with me, send hugs (or several for that matter), and give you this link about suicide. I really doubt its gonna have the effect on anyway it had on me but.. well..it's worth a try. :/

Stay safe...

[waggiedog]

Hello and good evening dear Idiot17 and Michaelrn. I can so totally understand where you are coming from regarding what you were saying, it makes you think doesn't it? Sometimes you have to surrender everything to find a possible way out and upwards, I so KNOW the feeling believe me. Don't give up on yourself though, you can't do that because we care here on PC ~ we really do care. We have this special community where we can share so much, I for one don't know what I'd have done without it. xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

[Altered Moment]

Originally Posted by Idiot17

For me, total surrender means giving into all temptations and urges to finish yourself off. This is sort of working out so far.
Yet i'm assuming the definition of total surrender for you differs. What may that be?

To me it means total acceptance of my condition at anytime. It is what it is. If I am powerless over how I am feeling and the severe depression causes me all the symptoms including constant suicidal thoughts then surrender means I am admitting that this thing is kicking my *** and I am powerless so that means I need a huge amount of help to fight it. So fight it with all the known tools. Or accept it as it is with no help and learn to live with it but not act on the suicidal thoughts. Sleep all the time or whatever. Some how manage to live in it. If you are having constant suicidal thoughts then you are in a severe depression and I would say get all the help available to get you to a better level.

Surrender means it has me by the neck and I am admitting I need a lot of help. To me. And learning to live with it when all you throw at it doesn't work.

Get knocked down 7 times, get up 8...

[Clara22]

but then you will suffer even more