[Altered Moment]

When I am in a deep depression I just can't imagine it ever ending, yet it does. The same thing is true when not in one, I can't imagine it ever coming back. Yet it does. I have been doing so good since the beginning of April. So much so I was able to fly from Michigan to CA and get my car in CA all fixed up to make a road trip back to Michigan with my daughter. Been very busy the last two weeks working on car, getting all my stuff that was in my buddies garage loaded into car etc etc.

No the last two days I feel the depression slowly creeping back. Yesterday I slept most of the day. Today I didn't want to get up but I am supposed to have coffee with my old boss so I forced myself to take a shower. Leaving in a little bit.

The new meds have been working so good. I was hypomanic for two months but that went away. I kind of wished it wouldn't have went away. It wasn't a great feeling but I had energy. Now I am rather flat.

I am back to my normal life long moderate to mild depressive state. Hopefully it won't go deep. I have 2500 mile road trip ahead of me and leave sunday morning.

[regretful]

I hope that this doesn't go too deep for you. Have a great road trip. I haven't taken a journey like that since 1995; though I wasn't depressed at the time, I do recall it taking a lot of energy, but it was also very enjoyable...Keep on track, and much support to you!

[j77blue]

I hope once you get out on the open road you will feel better. Good luck on your trip.

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[Frankbtl]

Hi zinco, maybe part of the way you're feeling is completely drained after having done so much, and a bit of a "come down" with being back at home after.............now that would naturally take quite a bit out of a lot of people.
Maybe try to take it easy till Sunday, try to focus on the "positive" of what you've done/will be doing (or just a bit of "escapism" if that's easier) and hang in there.
You were out of it and words from THE WISE: "I just can't imagine it ever ending, yet it does"
Here if you want to talk/some support/whatever!!
Alison

[Altered Moment]

I think you are right Alison. A little burnout from doing so much the last two weeks. It is more than I have done in months. I feel pretty good at the moment. Want to get on the road, I am all ready.

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[Frankbtl]

[quote=zinco14532323;3780521]I think you are right Alison. A little burnout from doing so much the last two weeks. It is more than I have done in months. I feel pretty good at the moment. Want to get on the road, I am all ready.

That's great zinco, hang on to that good feeling!!
It really shows you've turned a bit of a corner by managing to do what you've done and enjoying stuff. You've got to admit that's pretty amazing!! Really pleased for you!!
And for you now to be looking forward to getting on the road.......just looking forward to something/anything as much as you sound like you are getting on the road is big!
There may be days when the old feelings return, but that doesn't necessarily mean they have to stay. One step at a time, and right now......it seems you're doing great in the bigger picture!!
And get some rest-go easy on yourself!!!
Alison

[depressedalaskan]

(((zinco14532323))) I know what you mean. I have been on the down low for a couple of weeks. I think I hit bottom yesterday. Now I should be on the climb, I hope. Michigan?? Lived there for a while at the four corners of Taylor, Romulus, Brownstown and Huron. What a place to grow a garden. I could not believe how well the garden did. Dew every night, sunshine every day. Sounds like a great trip, take your time, have some fun, should be able to see a lot.

[Fuzzybear]

[Bigmike727]

Hi, I hope spending some time on the road helps you to feel better. I am sure traveling cross country you will run into many interesting people and places. Anyways, I wish you the best.

[waterknob1234]

Wish you the best Zinco. Maybe you are tired from doing stuff you wouldn't normally do. Hopefully you will enjoy the road trip as well as time spent with your daughter. Best of wishes.

[Altered Moment]

Thanks all. Bit of a dip for two days but seem to be fine now. Two months depression free and it is the meds for sure that did it. Fingers crossed.

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[Altered Moment]

Now having a lot of anxiety about leaving tomorrow morning on the long trip. I have made this trip a dozen times in my life. No big deal right. But I am leaving a safe environment in CA and going to a safe environment in Michigan. Safety and security has become very important to me with my severe depression. I am not currently depressed but I still feel like I am leaving my safety zone and going out into the big bad world where anything can happen. It doesn't make sense since I have done so much traveling and road trips in my life. It is just irrational anxiety and I hate irrational anxiety. It is a new addition to my mental illness in recent years.

[Frankbtl]

Hi zinco, no it makes sense that you might be anxious it is a long trip and maybe part of you is worried that you might not manage it after how you've felt in the past before your improvement.
OK we've thought of one understandable reason why you might be anxious (if you want to think of some more fine- because you're not irrational!! ). But now we've got a reason, hey, we've lots of reasons to challenge that anxiety, right??!!
You are feeling so much better than you were in the past, plenty of evidence for that!!;
You've done the distance before probably feeling "not so good" even (?);
It's not going to be such a long way with breaks/timeout along the way, just stages and relatively short distances between stops;
You're reaching out for support more now than in the past aren't you, so if it's getting tough, now you can reach out. You're not going to be on your own at any time, support's out there;
You've something meaningful at the end of the journey to focus on, and I'm guessing meaningful has taken on a more significant feeling since you've improved. So a real focus, hey?;
And look at what you have been able to do since you've been feeling better (!!), whole lot more to you than you're thinking, right??!!
Want me to go on??
So, no, you're not being irrational and what better place to start with that and putting those anxieties back where they belong- more out of your head. Challenge them/disprove them/show them you don't need them now, you've got things covered!! They're just faking!!
You can do it!!
Here for you
Alison

[TheOriginalMe]

I reckon there's good anxiety and bad anxiety. Good anxiety stops us from making dumb mistakes because we're that little bit more careful. Hopefully, you can make the anxiety work in your favour.

Good Luck.