[Melmo]

I just quit my job, gave 3 weeks notice as was done on Saturday.
I've even having health issues along with the depression and anxiety so I'm constantly tired due to sleep apnea, and always in pain from my back/legs and hips. Could maybe be fibromyalgia. My plan is so take a week or so off to hopefully sleep as much as I can (well, as much as you can with a 4 year old but at least I don't have to get up at 5am anymore) and hopefully my cpap machine starts to make a difference in my sleep and energy levels.
I decided to home school my daughter so I wanted to start doing home daycare again. As soon as I start feeling better, that's the plan. I have been looking online for babysitting jobs for weeks already and I'm getting discouraged because there's hundreds of people who are looking to do the same thing and not many looking for childcare it seems like. Not only that but the thing that really discouraged me was my dad saying tonight "you're gonna have a hard time babysitting in a trailer that smells like cats."
I feel like giving up. I feel like he is right and nobody is going to want me to watch their kids. I feel like I'm never going to have a steady job because I can't handle it for long before I want to quit, and always feel like a failure because my bills are always late, I can barely pay rent, and I'm feeling like a failure.
I don't know how I can continue like this when I feel like I'm failing at EVERYTHING.

[Melmo]

My dad bought the trailer and I'm renting to own. It's been almost a year and I've paid rent on time in full once or twice. I want to feel like I can do this and make him proud of me but I feel like he thinks I'm a failure. I know in reality that I think he is proud of me but I can't get over the feeling of thinking everyone thinks I'm not good enough.

[usered]

I think you're good enough.

[stefi91]

I understand what you are saying. My mom always treats me like the most horrible daughter in the world. Even though, I came home from college to take care of her when my sister lives literally 1 minute down the road and doesn't have a job. My sister hardly ever visits, but when I need a break, I am the bad person. Depression coupled with a parent who treats you like you aren't good enough is a hard. But we just have to keep telling ourselves, we are good enough!

Hello Normal: From the sound of it, you are contending with some very difficult circumstances. I would like to suggest that there is a need for you to sit down & take a really hard look at your situation & figure out what your options are. I'm afraid I'd have to agree with your father that if you're living in a trailer that smells like cats, it's probably unlikely parents are going to want to entrust their children to you. This is especially true if, as you say, the market for child caregivers is saturated.

The pain in your back, legs & hips could well be due to a disc in your low back that is impinging on a nerve. If you have the financial where-with-all to do it, I would suggest seeing a doctor about this.

Likewise, if you can, I would suggest that seeing a therapist might be a good idea. This person could perhaps help you to sort out what is & isn't possible for you given your current circumstances. My best wishes to you.