i do nothing but sit home all day waiting for my mom to get home.

but therapy is not helping me

and i withdrew from college may of this year

and now i feel like i may never go back, because i don't feel like i will ever get better

i have no friends, i go nowhere, i don't like to go places without my mother, i don't like to drive. All I do is read, take care of animals, and sit pathetically killing time with movies and waiting for my mom. but it's getting miserable to even watch movies or try to find something in the house to do. i'm rewatching the same show for the 3rd time now and that show is literally my life and the only happiness I have besides my animals and alcohol

The only thing I want to do is lay in bed. I'm pathetic and a waste of space. I'm so SKINNY and I HATE IT but the only thing I ever crave is chocolate. Or coffee. Anyway I'm not really suicidal but the idea of getting very drunk again sounds great.

I hate myself for whining. I would like to destroy myself and recreate a person but I cannot destroy myself without dying.

Is this all there is in life for me? Because a connection with a person just sounds impossible, and would that make me feel better, anyway?

[pegasus]

(((((( nevergoodenough )))))) That is how you feel at this moment and time but you do not know what the future holds. Things can change dramatically especially if you start to take little steps in the right direction. You've started by writing about it here...

[Bluesday]

Yes, we're never surprised when bad things happen quickly...but the reverse is still true, good things can turn your life around when you least expect it!

[akekaomen]

Hang in there. It is so hard. I went through a period like t that in grad school and had to drop out. I still feel bad for being sick in my head like that but I try to focus on the moment as much as possible.

You describe what I feel but cannot do right now. I have a family so I go to work and talk to people but it makes me so angry and sad to be around other people. I have no energy but I have to pretend so I can feed the family. I start to resent having a family sometimes but I try hard to let those thoughts go and focus on the moment or things around me.

Sorry for my complaints. I hope you find better feelings.

Originally Posted by Bluesday

Yes, we're never surprised when bad things happen quickly...but the reverse is still true, good things can turn your life around when you least expect it!

They never have before...

[waggiedog]

Hello there. I do understand what you describe and how you are getting very fed up, or even depressed. I'm wondering if you have a reliable GP or better still a Psych Dr? I don't know if you are in the UK or elsewhere (I'm UK) I'm wondering because the medical system is different of course. Could you try and speak to a health care professional and voice your concerns. I honestly think the sooner you speak to someone about your lifestyle, the better it will be for you hunny. Also I don't know your age, but as you have said, you are still with your Mum. Please arrange to make enquiries about receiving help asap. XXXXXXXXXXXX

Hello Nevergoodenough: You know... to fall back once again on a hackneyed old phrase... this is not rocket science. You're suffering from a serious major depression. And unfortunately there are only a few treatment options. There are psych med's, there's therapy along with such classes as DBT, & there's ECT. You said that therapy isn't helping. I don't find this to be surprising. I no longer have a therapist because it just didn't seem to be worth the cost. On the other hand, sometimes it takes several tries before you find a therapist who can really help you. I don't know how many you've tried. I also don't know what med's you're on, if any. Here again, it can take awhile to find the right one(s). I've never had ECT. But I hear it can be a real lifesaver.

The point is, though, that you have to commit yourself to the process of getting well. Only you can make it happen when it comes right down to it. I know how difficult this can be when you're in the depths of depression. But it is necessary. So please dig deep & try to find something that will cause you to want to heal. Perhaps if you can find that, you'll be able to find the strength to recover.

[pisces22]

It's crazy how similar our life's are. I dropped out of college 2 years ago. I have no friends and I never go anywhere. I also don't like going out or driving alone, my sisters and mom have to be with me. I do nothing all day but lay in bed/couch. I just watch tv and refresh my accounts online every second and I never get any notifications or updates. Sometimes I tell myself maybe my life would be better if i had friends and went out but I honestly don't know if that would help either. I feel like I can't relate or connect to people either but it is definitely possible because I'm connecting with you. I don't know if people can make life better but it is definitely possible to connect with people. I guess we just haven't found the right people yet.
You're not alone. You can always talk to me.

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[KaylaBug26]

I'm sorry to hear you're going through that. I went through a period like that a while back, and something that forced me to keep going, was instead of taking a full-time college load, which was overwhelming at the time, I took only one or two classes at a nearby community college. It forced me to at least get out out of bed because I had that small responsibility. You don't even have to take anything hard either; pick an elective that you think you might enjoy. It was difficult, but forcing yourself to get out of bed actually ends up being the hardest part of the day.

nge - sorry to hear you are struggling. sending you some comforting hugs.... and if you want - I have an extra 20 pounds or so that I could give you. :/

[Fuzzybear]

[Rohag]

On the one hand,

Originally Posted by nevergoodenough

...take care of animals...

is definitely not pointless. On the other, everything seems pointless, or at least artificial, under the cloud of depression.

Originally Posted by nevergoodenough

...a connection with a person just sounds impossible, and would that make me feel better, anyway?

Developing a connection with a flesh-and-blood other offers a decent chance to feel at least somewhat better, perhaps a lot better. It's not guaranteed, but I suspect the statistics would point in that direction.