Feelin hopeless

I feel like nothing will ever be how it used to be. I have no energy to do anything and I've lost my appetite again. Nothing comforts me or makes me feel okay. I'm seeing a therapist soon and I hope they give me medicine for my depression and anxiety but I'm also scared of what it will do to me and I've also read a lot on here that many people take meds for years and when they stop taking them, their depression and anxiety comes back. I don't want to be on meds forever. I want my old life back, the life I used to know. I've always had depression and anxiety but it was never this bad and stubborn. It would go away and I had a lot of dreams and aspirations. A lot of motivation to keep trying. Now everything seems pointless. I want to cry but I'm unable to do that. The only time I get a break from feeling this is when I sleep. Life is miserable. Sometimes I just want my mom to hug me tight and sleep with me but I don't want to bother her anymore. She's been through a lot in life, she has too much stress and worries. She only had 3 children, my sisters and I and we all have some type of mental illness. We've been mentally ill for most of our short lives and she's had to put up with that. I feel like we are a disappointment. I don't want to cause anymore trouble and I'm an adult now not a child.


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Sorry your depression has been so persistent this time. It's good that you're seeing a therapist soon. Just take it one day at a time and don't worry about how long it takes to feel better. As long as you're taking these steps to feel better, that's good. I would guess (or at least hope) that your mom could offer you the comfort you're seeking, and that she'll be glad that you're being proactive and taking other steps to help yourself feel better, not solely relying on her. As a mom myself, I can't imagine not wanting a hug or a cuddle from one of my kids, no matter what age they are, and I would be very proud of my kids if they ever took care of themselves the way you're taking care of yourself and trying to feel better asap. Don't be too hard on yourself.

I'm trying so hard to live in the present. I can't wait to see my therapist. I hope I can feel like myself soon. My mom is very caring and selfless. She asks me everyday how I'm feeling and I tell her I'm okay but I'm far from it. I just don't want to worry her anymore but I know she loves me and would gladly hug me and tell me that everything will be okay. Sometimes negativity takes over me. Thank you for your response, I appreciate it a lot.

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