...

Strange feelings at the moment. Feeling so very calm yet constant urges to either go si or go that step further (wouldn't take much to make that extra leep).

Know it will pass (I hope)… but it’s very compelling, inviting.

Poor week all round, waiting to hear if I’m to be made redundant at work. Also starting to feel secretive… hiding from others si, seeing no point to talking to anyone (obvious exception to posting here) about how I feel… ambivalent towards seeing my Doctor.

Moral at work has obviously took a nose dive, everyone around me is pretty miserable… friend is off work with anxiety and others are insinuating she’s likely to be let go due to attendance (surprisingly worse than mine… well, that’s not quite true… I do my upmost to be at work regardless of my state of mind).

Can feel myself slipping more and more into no longer caring.

I know for me bad atmospheres at work have a pretty big effect on my mood. I know theres other stuff at play here but don't underestimate the impact of whats going on at work. I wish I had more to say...

((((((((TJ))))))))

(((((((TJ)))))))

We spend such a long time at work, so whatever c**p happens there affects our mental health. One of the things that pushed me into long term sick leave was the constant threat of re-organisation / redundancy. I just couldn't deal with all the second hand anxiety on top of my own problems. Where I work is a multi-agency team, there are three people employed by the council and about 20 employed by other organisations. Some of the employers are great about supporting their staff, no-one gave a stuff about my two colleagues and me. Anyhow, bizarrely going on long term sick has protected me because Occupational Health have said my illness should be regarded as a disability and the sickness absence can't be counted against me when looking for redundancies. I'm not sure how I feel about calling depression a disability though, instinctively it seems wrong.

Getting secretive quite a serious warning sign for me. I find that if I shut about things being bad people will assume I'm feeling better and they'll drop their guard and that opens up opportunities, I won't be anymore explicit about that. So even if all you can do is keep posting here then please do that. Please don't cut yourself off from your wife, she sounds like a rock for you.

My brother told me that my nephew has developed an interesting coping technique, it involves throwing an axe at the lawn. My bro said he tried it and found it extraordinarily satisfying. Do you have an axe & a lawn? Sadly I've paving so even with an axe the effect would be somewhat different.

Sometimes when I am down, doing something for others helps. It sounds like those people at work could use an uplift. What about taking in some sweets and spreading some positive messages to them. They need it ... and so do you TJ.

(((((((( TJ ))))))))

Not intentionally ignoring the comments above... appreciated... just running on empty at the moment (well... I'm working... just don't feel much of anything) and yeah.. sorry.

However, Lulu, you did get me thinking and yes... going to brink cake in tomorrow. Upper management are having their little 'meeting' then to decide who is going and what not (we don't find out till Monday).... so, I've decided to make tomorrow "f it thursday" day... and while they are having their stupid little meeting, we'll eat cake!

Oh! This does have possibilities...
Great response! Your creativity is alive.

And a coworker with anxiety... This is growing into a picture of a dysfunctional environment. (I know, I'm late to the realisation.)

Strength to you, friend.

Sounds like a cake would be good for morale, plus keep you busy for a while. I'm kind of in the same fix my workplace. They are moving their corporate office, which I work at, but I'm a temp and they haven't told us if they are going to take us with them of get rid of us. I probably won't know anything until later in June. I hope you find out soon so you can quit worrying. I know how stressful it is not knowing your future. Take care of yourself in the mean time and keep baking cakes.

That sounds awesome..... am I invited? I want cake too ^^

((((TJ)))) hugs!

You go TJ ... cake ... and lots of smiles and good cheer! As I said, those co-workers need you. You've got something they don't - lots of support and love here at PsychCentral!!!

Some possible good news (slight inclination towards giving credit to karma)… I handle petty cash each day so made the trip up to my bosses office to lock it all up. While there, my Boss asked me to sit down and have a chat.

Earlier in the week I had popped the suggestion forward of me going part time for 2 reasons… to give the company some breathing room in terms of cutting costs (my salary is pretty low… but it would help) and selfishly (though I didn’t mention it as I didn’t want to draw attention to me being a liability) from my own side as a protection to my health… full time is not helping me right now.

Well he had spoken to the MD and both had agreed that it was one of the more helpful suggestions they’ve received and would help towards saving at least one job (not including my own).

Got a few things to iron out (i.e. that it doesn’t screw up my statutory redundancy package if things get worse and it all goes to hell) but looks like it will go ahead and I will go from 40 (45 including lunch hour) hours a week to 25.

Silver lining heh.

Thanks for all the messages and useful advice/support (((((you)))))

Oh and Gayle... bake? Amusing though it might be to give everyone the craps (can't cook for peanuts... it's either underdone or charcoal)... I think it'll be safer for all concerned if I just buy some hehe.

Thanks and yeah. Our office (3 people) is not the best... supervisor is perpetually pessimistic about everything and his sense of humour is more often than not just outright offensive (thankfully the girl and I (when I'm not withdrawn... which these days is mostly the case) are pretty witty and sharp so we are able to turn it round and keep the atmosphere at least semi pleasant)... not his fault per say... significantly older than the pair of us and I think he's trying to keep up.

The girl is nice... a bit of a chav... but her heart is in the right place. Her anxiety is expressed in anger which thankfully she's never unleashed on me (good understanding between us, I try to give her help and advise)... but she is really struggling at the moment and with the redundancy notice coming up on the day she got signed off... not helpful.

I'm hoping... that by doing what I've done, it will keep her in her job (certainly not going to advertise that fact to her... don't want to create more discomfort) which I played heavily on how good a team we are down stairs when I was talking to my boss.... and left the implied statement hanging in the air hehe.

Great that there's someone at work that understands you and you understand. Keep up the good work with the cake

So tired tonight. Cakes went down well and got smiles and people chatting which was good.

Handed in my letter re part time and looks like it's going to happen.

Caught up with me tonight, stress and tension regarding the future... just left me feeling really low.

TJ -

Hugs and warm thoughts. Keep the faith that things will turn out well.

LL

You know.. the world really need more of these simple acts of generosity... not because I ahve any reason to not feel good about your deed but I want to say that I think it does more than just getting a few smilies and some chatting in the end...not because that is not an achievement on its own.. is just... you did good. ^^

Gee gads.

Chap I mentioned above has been confounding me with antiquated expressions today heh… had a few moments of



Primary case was earlier: Been chatting about the reduced hours and how it’s going to impact on work load and then he just threw out “can’t get a quart into a pint pot”. Advised him that I was brought up in the era of metric education and well past the point of working with chalk and slate under gas light (which resulted in an elastic band being pinged at me hehe).

But a couple of others: "a stitch in time saves nine" and "can't put the cart before the horse"... can't help but smile that smile that expresses bemusement.

Lightened mood in the office all round today, girl I work with is keeping her job and all being well, the whole situation won’t effect our office in any major way.