[freefallin]

I literally fail at every single thing I do in life, which wasn't as bad as a kid, but it's a huge problem now that I'm an adult and need to have skills so I can hold a job and not wind up on the streets prostituting myself.

There is only one thing I do well in the entire world, and that is school. Now that college is over, I don't have anything left in my life that makes me feel like I'm not completely worthless and doomed to wind up on the streets until someone kills me or something. While I was in school, I had good grades to make me feel like I could get something right, but now I don't have that to rely on anymore and just have person after person in my life telling me and reminding me that I'm not good enough.

I can't find a job that pays enough to allow me to rent an apartment, and I don't blame employers for not wanting me. I have absolutely no skills at all. I'm not good at organization. I can't multitask without screwing everything up. I have NO attention span--like, I can't even watch a movie because I can't focus long enough. I have no social skills. I'm too introverted. I have crooked teeth that I can't afford to get straightened, so employers don't even want me doing something like working cash registers because I'm too ugly and they don't want me representing their company.

I don't have the option of moving in with my dad because he lives with my sister who is a complete nightmare to live with. When I lived with him, I couldn't even take showers or use the bathroom because she pukes and craps all over the bathroom and refuses to clean it until the whole bathroom and house fills with fruit flies. I couldn't even eat without fruit flies landing on my food because the house was so full of them. Not to mention she would just insult me and yell at me all day long, so I would hide in my bedroom having panic attacks most of the day. I'd really rather die than live there again.

I just want to not be so useless so I can earn my own money and make my own living, but I'm too stupid to. That's not even me having low self esteem. That's the truth, I can't do ANYTHING well. I can't sell things. I can't make things. I can't sing. I can't dance. I can't play instruments. I can't organize things. I can't answer phones without sounding like an idiot. I can't write articles without taking forever because my brain works so slow...I had a few writing jobs in the past, and I eventually got fired because employers insist that I work fast, and I can't because I don't process information fast enough. So they'd say they have to find someone who can produce content for them faster. I'm really just completely stupid.

I literally feel like my only option is to prostitute myself because that's the only thing anyone will ever think I'm good for. I don't know what to do. I'm scared.

[Idiot17]

You're not stupid, just by reading what you wrote I can see that.
(((((Freefallin)))))

[freefallin]

Thanks, it just doesn't matter how not stupid random people might think I seem. What matters is I possess literally none of the qualities one needs to succeed in the world, and it WILL land me on the streets sooner or later. That's not me being self-loathing. It's the truth. There is nothing I do well, and employers only view you as worth their time if you have some skill to offer them.

[Altered Moment]

If you just can't function in the way society expects us to function then maybe you need help. I was forced into a position due to severe depression and anxiety to apply for social security disability, food stamps, medicaid and all of that. I have worked my whole life so it takes a lot of pride swallowing to even admit that here. But that is my reality. i am just not capable. If you are just not capable maybe you need similar help. It is far preferable to prostituting yourself.

[Voss]

If you're not good at organization, what skills did you use to get through college? Skills don't need to be applied in conventional ways.

I can't read people in the conventional way for scraps and I have little charisma, but I'm good at picking up on their motivations so I use that instead. I spent a lot of time thinking about why characters in stories do the things they do, and eventually I started thinking about what everyone in real-life was seeking with their words and actions. Knowing what someone wants out of an interaction can put me a step ahead.

[freefallin]

College is a completely different setup than the job market. I'm slow at things. Really, really slow. I process information really slowly and have to take my time when I write things because I have difficulty remembering words. Like, I'll have to sit there staring at the page for a few moments until I remember the word I was trying to find, or I can sometimes pull up thesaurus.com and try to find the word if I can think of one that is similar to what I am looking for. As you can imagine, this is a very time-consuming process. The thing is, in college, it was fine if I was slow. I could read book chapters, write essays, study for exams, etc. on my own time. I might have made a 98 on a 5-page paper, but it took me 2 weeks to write it, whereas one of my classmates could have written theirs 2 hours before the class began.

That's the difference between school and the "real world." Employers won't let me take as long as I need to finish things. They want someone who can work as fast as possible, and why would they hire me when they can hire someone who can do the same job just as well in like 1/100th of the time?

This is the thing. I'm not smart at all, but when I am allowed the time to do so, I am willing to put in exponentially more work to achieve the same result that someone smarter achieved in a fraction of the time. When I am not allowed to pace myself, I screw everything up because my brain just doesn't process information very fast. No employers will let me take my time, so I make errors or just don't finish my work. I'm tired of being rushed, and I'm also tired of people using my school grades to invalidate my concerns. Yes, I did well at school because people let me take my time in school. I can't succeed anywhere else because speed is the name of the game elsewhere.

I went to a neuropsychologist once to have testing done to see if I have cognitive problems. He asked me what my GPA was in school, and as soon as I told him, he said, "Then you don't have any cognitive limitations." Nevermind the fact that I am literally failing at every other aspect of life and can't hold a job...the fact that I can memorize facts and spit them out on a test is supposed to prove I don't have a problem.

[Bigmike727]

Hi, I am just curious as to what you majored in, because if you did really well in school, there should be atleast one job in that field what you can do well at. Granted, if you majored in something like philosophy, there isn't much practical application for that in the job market other than to teach the subject. Don't feel bad though, I too thought I would never be good at anything aswell, but I found out that was due to the negative people who I surrounded myself with. Anyways, I wish you the best.

[freefallin]

I majored in English. Yes, I'm aware it's about as useless as philosophy. I started taking pre-med classes after I graduated because I thought I would go to med school and then not be as useless and skilless, but I'm going to have to give it up because I don't have the social skills one needs to make it to med school. I can do well in the classes, but I'm no good at getting to know teachers so they write me letters of recommendation or getting organizations to let me volunteer for them because I have no skills and am no use to them. Plus, I can't hold a job, so I don't have the money to stay in my apartment or in school.

[healingme4me]

There's the skill building career centers, available through the Division of Workforce Development, offered nationally through the Department of Labor. You can learn to function in an office.

Now, about that illegal and illicit option. ..usually begins through drug dependency. Lest you've dealer connections, might not be safe nor lucrative. Zinco raised a point, disability, food stamps, transitional assistance other legit forms of income.

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[freefallin]

Originally Posted by healingme4me

There's the skill building career centers, available through the Division of Workforce Development, offered nationally through the Department of Labor. You can learn to function in an office.

Now, about that illegal and illicit option. ..usually begins through drug dependency. Lest you've dealer connections, might not be safe nor lucrative. Zinco raised a point, disability, food stamps, transitional assistance other legit forms of income.

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Thank you, I will find how to get started at a career center like that.

That's not necessarily true about prostitution, though. It's pretty well known that it's one of the things women resort to when they literally have nothing else to offer anybody and no other option other than to starve. They strip or marry into money if they can, but not everyone has the looks for either.

[healingme4me]

True. These days, you can cl your body. But, you can't just show up on the corner, and start. Still helps to have a dealer for protection.
It's not necessarily true about looks. Looks can bring in the dollars. Heard a story once, about a price haggling, over this one woman's appearance. Guys talk...

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[healingme4me]

Ya know. Was just thinking of something you could do, along this line.
Erotic literature. Less demoralizing. Not sure if they have time frames. I've considered, just haven't had an ounce of time to devote to it.

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[freefallin]

Telling me that I'm not actually good enough for even prostitution is helpful, really. Thanks for that.

[healingme4me]

Originally Posted by freefallin

Telling me that I'm not actually good enough for even prostitution is helpful, really. Thanks for that.

Come again?

I feel you are catastrophizing the situation.

I am saying, if you want into such life, it's better to do so with connections. And there's a saying around these city streets. ..
All you've got is your reputation, and it WILL follow you, for the rest of your life.
I'm saying, this isn't the only option, stripping/ being a pay for service. Once in....that's going to haunt you. Finding work, legit work, after that...no mas.

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[healingme4me]

I wasn't saying about the haggling because of you. I tamed down, a true story, as told to me, over several beers. Guys friend, picks up a prostitute off the city street. She wants $10, he talks her down to $5 for oral.
Moral of the story, even if the way told was hysterical. ...
It's a dangerous and demoralizing career choice.

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[Voss]

Being willing to put in long hours of work to ensure the job is done correctly is a positive trait, though it can be abused in some settings. You can bring that up to an employer, but it would sound better without "I'm not smart and have no skills".