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#1
Jun 19, 2014, 11:17 AM
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Saw my therapist last night and I am always honest with her but I think I realized something myself that I don't want to be on this roller coaster when it comes down again. Let me explain - I have been to the top of the mountain as it was for about 5 months last summer and it was wonderful. I am basically at rock bottom right now (slightly above it) and feel that if I can just cope, acceptance, and deal with how I am now I should just stay here. I don't feel I have the fight to get back there and also feel it is worthless anyways because I will just come down again and maybe that time I will be so low that I cannot recover (then what). One other twist is my therapist is a christian counselor which is exactly what I want. She stated in a email last night "Everything God does is for your good...that's a truth we need to hang on to in spite of how we think or feel.
I almost wanted to reply back like a little bratty kid well just maybe this is were He wants me ever think of that. Would love to hear from you guys and gals your thoughts because I am totally confused right now 
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 allme
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#2
Jun 19, 2014, 11:26 AM
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I don't think God has anything to do with it. He is a hands-off entity. He created us and now he sits back and watches us struggle.
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#3
Jun 19, 2014, 11:32 AM
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Hello, Snuggles22.
Quote:
Quote:
Best wishes for coping and accepting the now without reference to the future.
__________________
My dog  mastered the "fetch" command. He would communicate he wanted something, and I would fetch it.
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#4
Jun 19, 2014, 11:38 AM
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On your first question I think I do just want to be stable because then I could maybe seem okay to family and friends. I didn't think about the natural cycle but I guess that is possible. I probably do have to forget about the future as I would not be putting so much stress on myself.
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#5
Jun 19, 2014, 12:11 PM
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Quote:
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#6
Jun 19, 2014, 03:28 PM
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I have had very cyclical depression for a long time. Up until I was 32 I self medicated with drugs and alcohol so that period is confusing. After I got clean and sober and sought treatment for depression it got worse for awhile. Most of my 30's and 40's I could set the calender by my depressions. Three times a year at the same time of year every year. When in them I thought they would never end. I never get to the top of the mountain but 75% of the way up. Since April I have been 75% of the way up and it feels good.
My problem is when I am doing good I set these high expectations for myself. I should be doing this and I should be doing that. Then I get depressed and there is not way I can live up to it. In recent years the depression has gotten much worse and longer lasting. I don't know why. I am doing good now because I got on some new meds that are working real good. The problem I have now is the unpredictability of the future. I have no idea how long this good spell will last. I have no idea how long the next depressive episode will last or how bad it will be. Meds have never worked very good for me but this time they are working. I have learned to accept the down times but the up times are making things more confusing for me lately. So I can relate to your question.
__________________
The "paradox" is only a conflict between reality and your feeling of what reality "ought to be." -- Richard Feynman Major Depressive Disorder Anxiety Disorder with some paranoid delusions thrown in for fun. Recovering Alcoholic and Addict Possibly on low end of bi polar spectrum...trying to decide. Male, 50 Fetzima 80mg Lamictal 100mg Remeron 30mg for sleep Klonopin .5mg twice a day, cutting this back |
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#7
Jun 19, 2014, 03:52 PM
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So at least historically it has been a natural cycle that no amount of meds or therapy has changed. Currently that fact is up in the air. In the past when doing good I might take on a big side job that will take months to finish and right in the middle will crash so it is difficult to know what to do or if I would rather just be in a steady state even if it is low.
As you said probably the best approach is to stay in the now and not think about the future but then how do I plan for my financial well being. Do I go get a job now knowing the odds are high I will get fired in winter when depression hits yet again. Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
__________________
The "paradox" is only a conflict between reality and your feeling of what reality "ought to be." -- Richard Feynman Major Depressive Disorder Anxiety Disorder with some paranoid delusions thrown in for fun. Recovering Alcoholic and Addict Possibly on low end of bi polar spectrum...trying to decide. Male, 50 Fetzima 80mg Lamictal 100mg Remeron 30mg for sleep Klonopin .5mg twice a day, cutting this back |
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