[phillygirl]

Even PC hates me today! I wrote a good vent while I was at lunch but apparently it didn't post. That's so about par for my week! I've been feeling better about things and doing ok for a bit. But the last few days, the dark has been dragging me back down. Work is sucking and unfortunately, that's very important to me. THings that I was doing ok about, had me crying in my office all morning. It's just this that I've been so scared of. My counselor talks about a bad day being just that now but I'm still scared of the dark getting me down again. IAnd I'm afraid it is. I don't know that I want answers, just needed to write that somewhere that people will understand. Thanks for listening.

[okiedokie]

Hi Philly,
I totally understand. In fact, I was going through the same thing today! My job has been terribly stressful lately and it is extremely important to me that I do well, etc., just like you. I also have suffered through a major depressive episode and when I experience this kind of stress and have a reaction of tears to something I normally would take in stride, it makes me very nervous too. It's a good indicator to me that I have to keep a close eye on my symptoms, reactions and such to make sure that I stay within the acceptable range. It means I have to take better care of myself, although have never been particularly good at that! I NEVER want to dip down so low again if I can at all avoid it. It was, unequivocally the worst time in my life.

So, long story short, you are not alone my friend! I hope tomorrow is better for you!
Okie

HI Phillygirl. Yes I know those feelings well!. I hope you are feeling a little better today?

[phillygirl]

Thanks for you replies It does help to know I'm not the only one to feel like this. I don't have a lot in my life besides work right now and it is a very important part of who I am, which makes it all worse. I'm struggling with beating myself up for being such a failure again and not really believing this same situation from other times in my life isn't playing out again. It isn't, I just am having a hard time processing how to do things differently now and trying to avoid falling in my hole of see, I knew it would happen. I'm actually glad I had my appointment today, it couldn't have been at a better time. I had a long, very stressful, very triggering to me meeting with my boss this morning. That certainly didn't help anything I'm hoping that this is the bottom this time and it will start coming back up again. I don't want to stay here again. I spent the evening last night, just watching tv in the darkl Looks like the same tonight. I hate being like this! I think when I can get some perpecitve and don't feel like such a loser, I'll be able to see the meeting wasn't as bad as I think right now. Maybe tomorrow.

HI Phillygirl, you don't sound like a loser to me. You have gotten through a tough day and then done whatever it was you needed to do for you. Sometimes watching TV in the dark is good enought! Take care.