[phillygirl]

I've had a pretty rough couple weeks. I'd been feeling better and trying to plan out some things in my life. But the last few weeks have pretty much slammed that. I'm trying not to feel like a failure and that of course nothing good ever stays but it's hard going.

Then tuesday this week, I had a pretty bad meeting with my boss. Among other things that I'm pretty hurt by, she said I'm not 'happy' enough. And that I walk around looking sad sometimes. Well yeah, where in my job description is it that I have to be happy all the time?! I'm actually pretty mad about that comment. She knows I have depression issues and that I see a therapist. I haven't shared the major depression diagnosis though.

Some days, it's all I can do to get through the day. I have contact with large numbers of people all day and sometimes I just don't deal well. I was so shocked when she said that, I didn't really respond at all. I'm debating if telling her more (like what the exact issue is) would help or if that would make it worse. I'm a really private person to begin with and I really hate to use labels as a crutch. And if I do tell her, I worry that she'll want to let me go for someone 'happier'.

I hate being like this. All this week, I've wanted to just come home and sit in the dark. I did a couple days. If only I could just make it go away, I would. What I do for work is basically therapuetic horseback riding. We specialize in helping folks with disablitilies, mental or physical. And half the staff falls into that too some days. But I don't feel there's any room for me to be not ok.

But now I'm just rambling. I just don't know how to deal with someone saying I'm bad at my job because I'm not happy.

[LMo]

aw man... that had to be frustrating...

Did she indicate WHY it was a problem for your role? Does it make clients or coworkers uncomfortable? It may be none of her business how you comport yourself, but if it has an effect on the dynamic between your coworkers or customers, then she probably HAD to say something.

How she said it, though, wasn't very constructive. It would have been nice if she could have tried to coach you with compassion instead of making a stupid statement like that.

[Forsaken]

Ever considered telling your boss that you were going to punch her smile right off her face? Just kidding. But seriously, I don't want to say I can entirely relate, but I get the jist of it. The best thing to do is not dwell on it, or it will eat you up when you're at work, and thus make you seemingly more "Unhappy" than before. Advice can be stupid, and I'm sorry for opening my mouth. Who knows though, this may spur you onto some actual solution so therefor I feel justified in posting it. Hopefully you don't hate me for posting it. We only get one first impression after all.

[Boopers]

This happened to me many years ago when I still worked.
I walked into work one morning after my husband had left me and the boss called me into the office because I didn't walk in with a smile on my face.
I don't think bosses have the right to tell their employees what facial expressions they should have on.
The bosses don't know what goes on in our private lives and I know that I didn't want to discuss it with him.
It's very unnerving in my opinion.
Wishing you the best of luck,
Boopers

[ouch]

I had something similar happen to me - my boss said that I needed to sit up straight more, dress better, and show more confidence. It actually helped in a weird way, because it made me realize how I looked on the outside, and made me 'pretend' more - or at least try to - if that makes any sense... Pretending helps, because I find that if I can pretend long enough, I actually start to feel a little better... I wouldn't share more with your boss - he/she doesn't seem all that understanding.

[Christina86]

Hi phillygirl,

I've got that problem with people - they'd rather see you FAKE how you're really feeling than express your true self. Which completely defeats the purpose, because then they could accuse you of lying! How dumb.

Sorry, I'm not very helpful but I hope you're feeling (even remotely) better soon.

[phillygirl]

Thanks everyone for your replies, I appreciate the thoughts and effort to write to me It's been a horrid weekend at work and I had a huge meltdown yesterday about it all. I have a lot to talk about to my therapist this week. I should have called to see if she had an extra opening on Friday but thought I'd be ok. Then the rest of my world blew up. Anyway, I hate the 'fake' game the most. I guess I can do that, it seems to be what they want. I'm just tired of the crap.