Going crazy

Little jay,
Been in the same place you have and I do know how difficult it is. I think the Crisis team would be an excellent idea. Please keep talking to all of us here. We all come from different walks of life and have many things possibly we could share that may help. If you have a toolbox of coping skills take a look in there and possibly use some of those tools. You can send me a PM anytime if you would like. Take care of yourself and be safe.

I’ve thought about suicide today. I tell everyone that I am improving, that the thoughts have gone, but they always sneak back in. I spend a lot of my time feeling empty now, I can just sit and stare into space and feel nothing. I don’t see the point in trying.

My head is all over the place. I just don’t know how I feel right now- a mixture of everything. I spent my morning thinking about suicide, then about getting everything done at work for a couple of months ahead so they don’t lose out in my absence. Then about seeing family and friends, making sure I tell them I love them and give them a big hug. It’s my birthday on Friday so I’ll have an excuse. Then part of me is horrified at myself for thinking like that. I spend my life terrified of losing people and then I think of doing that! I’m so ashamed. Since my cousin died a few months ago I feel such guilt when I think about suicide. We were the same age and he had his life taken away from him, and there I am still thinking about taking mine away even after that, and even after seeing what it put everyone through, it was so horrible. I know how bad it affected me, why would I willingly want to make anyone feel like that!

I don’t like being left on my own, I feel like I need someone constantly with me and to distract me. When I’m stuck on my own inside my head I just get worse. My trouble is that I overthink everything, I overthink what everyone says, I overthink what I say before I even say it. I feel like I’m going crazy.

I’m having such terrible mood swings. One minute I feel great, the next I want to die. I’m feeling both at the minute if that’s possible. It’s like I still feel hopelessly depressed, but at the same time I feel like I’m running in fast forward and like my energy is back. I hate this mood because it makes me feel like I need to just do something. Being sat here at work makes me so agitated.

i often feel the same way about saying goodbye to my family(which i did once) and ended up in the pysch ward. There is a war raging inside of me one part wants to get help and the other side says dont bother nothing will change. Honestly the only reason i probably havent done it yet is because i have 2 small boys.
All this to say it seems like you have a lot to live for and offer the world. As always keep your head up and smile even when its tough. -hugs-

BTW Happy Early Birthday!

Man, there I am hooting about night-clubs and stuff to you, while you're feeling like this! Sorry, I didn't realize. Crazy that it's your birthday on Friday. Same days as my Sister which is causing me no end of grief. I just remembered, my last thread was about my own birthday too.

****ING BIRTHDAYS, am-i-right?

So is that what's making you feel bad at the moment? If it is, just remember that it's only one day and you'll probably start to feel better once it's passed. These things tend to come in waves and your B-day is probably the crest.

Have you got any plans for how you're going to spend your B-day?

I liked you talking about nightclubs and stuff! It was a good distraction!
I'm actually looking forward to my birthday, we were meant to be going down to wales but then he lost his job so we had to cancel. So now I guess I'll probably do nothing. At least I have the day off of work I suppose!
I really hope that I'm not this low on the day. I know everyone will make such an effort and I don't want to seem like I don't appreciate it if I;m low and not enjoying myself.