[Crook32]

Cutting is something I never thought I would do but in the last three weeks I have done it twice and have the urge to do it again. Luckily they haven't been any real bad cuts yet.

My T knows about it and so does my pdoc. He has me coming back in 3 weeks to see him again because he wants to keep a close eye on me.

I see my T tomorrow and am scared to talk about it. I told my wife and showed her what I did and she sad she was mad and disappointed and that it was stupid. I know it is stupid so why do I do it?

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[Altered Moment]

To relieve emotional pain. I have never done it but many people here have and do.

I can understand it to a certain extent because I am a recovering addict. From what I understand cutting gives you a big endorphin rush. The bodies natural opiates. That makes you feel better. I think it can be an addictive behavior so if you can stop now it would be better.

I am sure others would have more to say on it and how they stopped.

Zinco is right in that cutting is an addictive behaviour. I have been doing it for ten years nearly, I stopped once for 11 months a few years into it but haven't been able to since. The longest I can go now without is a month or two. As time goes by you don't get as much out of the cuts as you once did so the cuts end up getting deeper and more of them just to get the same kind of release you once had.

I think you need to work with your T and pdoc to get you to stop this before you get too far into it. I wish I had never started...and I definitely wish I had found a way to quit by now.

Here's a sticky from the self injury forum, hopefully you will find something on here that will help the urges rather than cutting

http://forums.psychcentral.com/self-...-yourself.html

[Crook32]

This all just makes me feel like I let a whole lot of people down. I am so ashamed to even show my face at therapy tomorrow.

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Don't feel like are letting people down, and please don't be ashamed. You are struggling to cope right now, thats all. You just need a little more help right now, through no fault of your own.

[fluffbuster]

remember - understand - what upset you. what happened 3wks ago for you to cut? don't say you don't know - cause you do. until you come to grips w/ the events that angered/depressed/disappointed you - you and your ego/self-confidence will go nowhere. it's not a shame to cut - the shame is not to self-examine why. so tell your therapist what upset you, no matter how scared you may be.

[Crook32]

I know exactly what caused it. My therapist told me she was leaving in December. Apparently I have a lot of abandonment issues that were triggered. I just can't believe it led to cutting.

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