I don't know what to do...

Of course, it always starts like this and it never ends. I was doing well, but it never lasts...

I'm so stressed right now and I don't know what to do anymore, I'm trying so hard to stay strong, even when I'm so alone with everything.

My parents don't have enough money to go through this month and neither do I. I was supposed to go down to the county office to beg for money, but I'm so sick today, just my luck. I HAVE to go tomorrow, because it's just not my mom who needs money, it's my grandmother too.

I haven't had any money for the past few months and I'm literally near-starving myself just to make sure there's enough food for the next week to come. I know it's not healthy, given my cancer and the toll it's taking on my body, but I just don't want my family to suffer. I shouldn't be living at home, leeching off them, they deserve better and I feel so horrible for having burdened them for 2 more years.

I'm trying so hard to get a job so I can help them out, but no one really wants to hire under-educated people. I didn't get into school because of a minor misunderstanding, so I'm without money for a good while until my parents are back on their feet. I can't even afford my medication, so that too poses a minor problem.

I just really don't know what to do anymore, I'm trying so so so hard to keep it all together and to help my family, but it all is starting to come undone at the seams.

I hate myself for being so weak and I truly wish I could disappear. I have loans to pay, but I too am on my knees begging them to postpone and stall.

It's just one big mess....

Nat92, it would be well worth having a look round and find out if there are any charitable/government associations that can help you get some sort of arrangement with your loans because that would be at least be one less stress. I'm UK based so I could only tell you about ones in this country sadly but I know over here they are reasonably effective.
Will the County Office sign post you to anything else that could help like food banks, social services etc ?? It would be worth asking and I wouldn't think of it as taking charity, think of it as doing what you need to do to get yourself strong so you can help your family x
I really hope things improve for you *hug*

I don't know where you live but I would apply for Medicaid, food stamps, and cash assistance.

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I usually never spend money because I know things like this happen, but I did and here I am. I'm going down to my bank to ask for a loan and to the county office to apply for welfare and beg to be paid in advance, I just hope I can explain how dire the situation is...

You should be able to get food stamps right away. There are also usually food banks that give away food each week for free. I know in my small town St. Vincent Depauls and salvation army help a lot of people with food, electric bills, gas bill, auto repairs, etc. There are others too.

I have not used them because I have medicaid and food stamps and I have family. It was not easy swallowing my pride as I have worked my whole life but the severe depression forced the issue.

We only have welfare here and it's not much for people who lives at home.

Hi,
I am not sure if I understand your situation and I know very little about your country but if your health worsens because of your stress or lack of nutrition you will not be able to help yourself or your parents or grandma either. From a practical point of view, it is pretty sure that the hospital you are getting your health care from has social workers that can take your case. From a deeper point of view and apologizing in advance for giving unwanted advice: Wonder Woman does not exist. You do not have superpowers, your body is suffering, this is the time to put yourself first because if you get sicker you will not be able to help anybody. I would justify your attitude maybe if instead of your parents you were talking about your children. Perhaps it is the time to tell your parents about your illness or get somebody else to support or help you. You need to be helped now. I am telling you this because I got a disability when I was a teen and had the tendency to refuse help and take care of others instead of giving due attention to my own health. It is a useless sacrifice

I know that, it's just super hard when everything seems to come crashing down on me year after year and my family has such bad luck. We haven't had 1 year, just 1 year, where something didn't happen. Accidents, death, family issues, problems, economy. And I always feel that it's my duty to help, because that's how I am, I feel I'm being selfish if I don't and I can't have that.

I've never put myself first, I take on every bad negative feeling, make it my own just to ease their pain. I want to help so bad and I hate it that I can't...

I understand you but if you collapse they will not have you, either

In fact there is no choice as I see it

Nat, I'd seriously say that if you get the chance to do something like CBT you might find it really helpful. Taking on other people's pain and then getting low because you can't change it whilst very commendable because you want to help, isn't sustainable! You'll just burn out (I work in healthcare and I had to learn that lesson the hard way)
To be honest I tend to feel if you make the genuine offer to sit and listen or say is there anything practical that you can do for people then most people will feel that it's enough that you've acknowledged and validated their feelings, they wouldn't want to see you pull yourself to pieces .
I'm hoping I've written that in such a way that it doesn't seem rude or judgmental because it is a very human thing to want to help and like I said commendable

??? - this is from Denmark's website -
welfare - The basic principle of the Danish welfare system, often referred to as the Scandinavian welfare model, is that all citizens have equal rights to social security. Within the Danish welfare system, a number of services are available to citizens, free of charge. This means that for instance the Danish health and educational systems are free. The Danish welfare model is subsidised by the state, and as a result Denmark has one of the highest taxation levels in the world.

(sorry for the big font - it just came up that way) so - - - i don't understand - cause i'm in america and don't speak Danish - if you get free health and education how come you don't go back and ask for education again??? unless of course you're an immigrant to Denmark and then are supposedly dis-allowed.

I did apply and didn't get in, they only accept 2 times a year so... yeah.

I went down today and applied for welfare and went to the doctor, got the documents and it's all taken care of now. I'll be getting money tomorrow, my mom said it was fine and she's going with me to the next scan.

I still feel like I disappointed my entire family...

I feel like I am a total disappointment to my family as well. All my brothers and sisters are very successful. I am the black sheep. I am counting on my parents as well as getting and applying for government benefits.

We must look rationally at the reality of our situations and do what we have to do.

I am so glad you are taking steps and getting some help.

Thanks a lot for sharing this! Yesterday, I looked at a site named Borgen.dk. I did it with Chrome translation, but I was unable to find the information you needed. because of my last job, I met several Danish people but I could not establish a relationship with any of them. Partially I guess because of my own limitations to understand other cultures. So, I am not sure about national values or traits. Anyway, maybe you have this mandate of solidarity towards your family or the older generations. I think it is a good thing but your case is exceptional. You have an illness that requires specific care, nutrition, peace of mind, etc. and this situation is just temporary: you will get better eventually and then get a job and so on. There is nothing to feel ashamed about.
Also, I wanted to share this anecdote: in Singapore, there was an increase of older people suicides. The government was concerned about it. They found out that it was for a gap in social security. Singapore was a country of a rapid growth with high avoidance to taxation. Thus, social services, etc were very limited but in turn there was a lot of employment and people in General were doing just fine. But older people could not catch up. And there was this Asian cultural background that parents must not be a burden for their children. So even their children were doing fine economically, older parents preferred to kill themselves to ask for money to their children, in absence of sufficient pensions or safety nets for the elderly. Then Singapore government said they would review their programs. I am not sure if they did, finally. At that time, I though in my country some older people may feel too uncomfortable to ask for help to their children but not at the point older people in Singapore do.
Anyway, I wanted to tell you this so you could reflect on how many of our ideas come from our culture, if this is the case. These ideas are very rooted and sometimes make us to make bad decisions. I think your mom is grateful you told her about your test. She wants to be there for you. I wish you the best and thank you for updating us again