[Daisy1916]

This past year had been very hard on me and on my family. I've been with my husband for 9 years and had an emotional affair beginning last June. My husband found out, which was horrible for both of us--but I had a lot of guilt because I hurt him. We did go to therapy--but I couldn't get past a lot of things in our relationship. I chose to separate from my husband. He moved out 3 days after Christmas. My 16 year old son went with him.

That's the cliff notes version.

Bottom line is I have guilt every day because of what I've done to m my family. I do not want to reconcile with my husband, but I know my choices had a serious impact on my son and my relationship with him. I feel like something has died inside of me. I feel like I have no purpose. I don't feel like a mother anymore.

I'm in therapy and medicated. I am also going to get my son into therapy. I have lived with depression my entire life. But these last few months have been very difficult. It's hard to even read what I just wrote...When I think about how much I hurt my child, I can't even express with words how I feel.

[Altered Moment]

Welcome to PC.

Those are huge changes and huge loss. It doesn't matter if you made the decision it is still a huge loss to you. Plus the guilt. I have been thru it.

[oakwood1786]

P.s.--sorry for my bad english

same thing happen to my friend, his mother cheated with his father when he is 12 they got divorce afterwards he stayed with his father and his sister stayed with his motherand he never talked to his mother for the next 12 years. He is 23 now and what changes that his girlfriend was the one that ended up putting them together. when he told me his story his words were " i hate my mother for destroying my father but i still loved her at that time. its just that if I had shown any affection towards her that means i forgive her but i cant do this before my father forgive her which i knew at that time is not possible coz i was only 12 years old and i cant tell him to do that for my sake and also i was angry at that time."

i think that you are doing a right thing its just that he is a boy and secondly he is a teenager. so these thinks will not be easy. but i do hope that everything will turn out fine.

[smmath]

I think that family therapy might be helpful. You weren't getting something from your spouse, so you looked elsewhere. Do you know what that thing might of been? I also think that communication is key. Even an amiable relationship with your ex might prove to be fruitful. Hugs, and let me know if you want to talk.

[BlueMoonBlueEarth]

Welcome to PsychCentral, Daisy1916.

Everybody does things in life that we regret, and it sounds like you are feeling extremely guilty over what you have done. The good news is that you realize that you've done something wrong; I think it is far worse to go through life doing horrible things with no remorse.

Do you have a reason why you had the affair? If so, I think it would be a good idea to talk it through with your therapist. I wish you the best.

[gk1470]

Hello Daisy1916,
I am new here as well and this is my first post/reply.
If there is any way to save your marriage and reunite your family, that could turn out to be something very positive in your life and give you more strength than you could imagine. You haven't mentioned the reasons but was your husband willing to forgive and work on things? Trying to work things out could also bring you and your son closer and reverse the damage that was done. This is just a suggestion as I don't know all the details and I tend to believe in keeping family together at all costs. Either way, I hope you can get the support you need and start to feel better.

[James511]

Daisy1916, staying with a person for the children's sake wouldn't be fair to anyone. When my wife left me I used that on her. Turns out it was the right thing to do for everyone involved. You can't force someone to be happy or fulfilled. Being hard on yourself is normal. Getting your son into therapy is a great idea. Please be strong and know that there are many others in the same situation and have come through it all. You will too.