[Sibelius5]

Hi,

I'm taking this step of joining a forum and asking for help, although it's hard to think I deserve any, because I seem to have recently exhausted all other sources of it in my life. First of all, I'm not suicidal, I've never attempted suicide, and I don't experiences hallucinations or psychotic breaks. It's hard to say how much I'm depressed and how much I'm just lazy and selfish. My life is relatively okay. However, I'm prone to anxious hyperbolic ranting, so my friends frequently have to endure tirades about how I'm the worst person in the world and I don't deserve to live and I'll never find happiness etc. They've always taken these in stride and encouraged me as much as they could. However, in the span of just a few weeks, several close friends have completely stopped talking to me. No response to texts, emails etc. I never thought I could wear them down, but I guess I did.

My mother is the only family member I have a close emotional connection with. When I told her about this, and my concerns that I must be a terrible person to have driven my friends away, she said, "well, then I must be a terrible parent for you to have turned out like this." She frequently makes statements to the effect that she'll be depressed as long as I'm depressed, and that her happiness depends on mine. She asks me to talk to her more and be honest, but on the rare occasion that I do, she's devastated by it. So I can't talk to her without hurting her.

I see a therapist but only once every two weeks. It's not enough, I'm too needy. How can I learn to make peace with my issues and not have to talk to people about it? Not frequently, at least. I have been in therapy for a year and feel as bad as ever.

Also, wondering if anybody has successful reclaimed friends after alienating them with mental health disorders.

As for the mental health rundown: depression, anxiety (particularly social), fatigue and malaise. 25 years old, single (destroyed my last relationship with self-doubt), employed part time and a student during the school year. Currently taking 15mg Lexapro (escitalopram), have also tried Celexa and Prozac.

[glok]

Welcome to the Community, Sibelius5. My suggestion is to print a copy of your post for your therapist. You need more help.

I wish you well.

[IrisBloom]

Hi Sibelius. I think if they were truly your friends they will accept you back if you go to them and tell them you have been sick and are getting help. You need to remember that getting better is a slow process. One day you will be able to see how far you have come. I know it can be frustrating to wait between T appointments, but you have us here, and if you have a PC you can find lots of things to read about what you are going through.

[waterknob1234]

Hi Sibelius, welcome to the community. We are glad to have you here. One thing you will find is that people who do not have the illness of depression do not understand the feelings people with depression experience. Their reactions to things you tell them will vary and they may have difficulty understanding what you are going thru and how you feel. Most of us on this forum have been thru depression or other mental health problems and we can relate to your experiences, feelings, and the things you are dealing with because we have been there. You will find this to be a caring, kind, supportive, and nonjudgmental community.

Perhaps it would be helpful if you could see your therapist on a weekly basis instead of every 2 weeks. I wish you all the best.

[Sibelius5]

Thanks for the welcomes. My therapist and I agreed upon 2 hour sessions once every other week because it regularly takes me most of a one hour session to open up and speak honestly. I feel more comfortable in therapy, so perhaps returning to weekly one-hours is the way to go.

[Altered Moment]

Welcome to PC. You can rely on us until you are able to find more support in real life. Usually from people who also suffer or are very understanding. I figured out I was relying to heavily on my parents and family and it was to hard on them. I stopped burdening them with my everyday issues. They are still tremendous support. People who don't really understand get burnt out on the drama and think we can just pull it together and snap out of it. Can you find a free support group? There are many around. Or group therapy is very helpful as those in the group understand.

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[BlueMoonBlueEarth]

Welcome to PsychCentral. I am glad that you have taken the step of joining a social forum group dedicated to fighting mental illness. Having depression does not make you lazy or selfish, as people who don't understand the illness would have you believe. Both people who have okay lives and people who suffer in life can get depression, and it's not your fault because it is an illness. Could it be arranged to have more sessions with your therapist, if you feel it is not enough? Once every two weeks sounds like a lot of time for depression to sink in again to me.