Trajedy

Hi everyone. Just making you aware that I experienced someone else's suicide late on Friday night. I caught last train home after going out dancing. The tradgic event happened shortly after left main station at a small quiet station which the train I was on was just passing through. I was sitting in front coach. Suddenly I heard something hitting the train with force and it felt like the train was losing control. I felt the impact where I was sitting. It was frightening. Waited a while wondering what had happened but feeling that it wasn't good. Then heard announcement that an incident has occurred at station and later the train conductor said that someone was hit by train. People were talking amongst each other about the news with shock and looking out of windows at what was going on. Could see blue flashing lights and security, train staff around bridge area. It was deeply distressing and painful. I felt really depressive. Since the event on train, the pictures, images, sounds, movements, and voices and feelings have been replaying in my mind. Yesterday, I felt need to go back to the site and did by myself. I wrote a letter earlier on in day that I took out of bag to read and was talking out loud as walked along platform. I spent some time around the bridge area too trying to figure out how the person /where from exactly the person jumped and hit train. I was preparing myself before I got there for a lot of flowers and cards where it occurred but didn't see anything. I'm thinking of going back there though to pay tribute, leave something. I don't know who it is though at moment, what age they were etc. But I've been feeling greatly affected by whole thing. I feel the person must have been suffering from overhwelming problems and had depressive illness. Or could of taken drugs. I don't know. But I understand person would of been in horrible place before I just wish them and their family love and peace.
So, now I have been close to someone's suicide, I know what its like from the the other side.

How tragic for you. I wish you well.

It was a really frightening, traumatic, sad and painful near experience that's affected me a lot inside.

I'm sure that had to be disturbing. Could maybe cause you PTSD... Keep watch on yourself and take care.

Hi Creative1onder, it does sound like a pretty distressing experience for you. And I'd say that it can be important to talk to someone about the effects/your feelings (even if they're "mixed up"!!) after something like that. Have you got a friend or a family member you can talk to about it?? Although we're here too
Wheather it helps you process your feelings, "just" let them out, or share with someone who is going to understand it might help.
And if you feel like it (only if, you don't have to) it might be a good idea to pay a tribute/leave something there, for you as well. Kind of a recognition, "paying your respects" and letting go to a point. And maybe you can allow them to give you something too, allow them to have touched your inc. someone else's life in a way more suited to who they may have been if...........I'm thinking if there's anyone in your life you haven't really told how much they matter, or who could do with hearing something positive (but you haven't really got around to saying it that clearly to them).
Another tribute/recognition might be giving something to charity e.g. The Samaritans.......maybe they couldn't have helped the person anyway, but if it's helping someone from not............and it's kind of making that person (from the train) matter that little bit more. Something they left.
And you know, if at any point you need professional help with this then that would be understandable too. Just make sure you have as much caring for yourself as you clearly do about other people, OK??

Alison

You are right to think of the family, but most importantly take good care of yourself. At first it is normal to replay events like this, but even so don't keep it all to yourself, talk to someone about it. Do what you need to get through this and move forward.

There is meaning in this awful event as you have developed a new insight into how such an event affects others. Sharing that insight here is an important reminder for us all, and your compassion has been much valued by me. I'm sure your thoughts of peace and love will somehow reach the family.

I have been going over in mind the whole event and feeling depressive and traumatised, mainly thinking of the person, what they were going through in their life, and like relating to it, feeling pain and suffering and loneliness. Feeling that they were strong and brave but were overwhelmed by problems and couldn't see way of carrying on with life. Thinking that they must have been affected severely by illness like I am. I have found it deeply distressing remembering the impact of them hitting and being pulled under train and the blue flashing lights above bridge In the backgroun and train security staff dealing with it at station. it was like the train was derailing. I wrote a letter as if to the person expressing how it was for me to have experienced it and how I feel about it and I talked out loud at the station.

That must have been awful for you to experience, sending big hugs

It is hard to know how much is a "normal" reaction and how much of what you have experienced is being sucked up into negative emotion that affects your mental health. You have witnessed a very traumatic event that is very personal to you because of your own needs. Maybe visiting your GP is a good idea just to talk it through, getting some advice on how to move on. Perhaps contacting the Samaritans, they are there specifically for listening, you don't have to be suicidal yourself, I'm sure they could offer some insight and reassurance about your reaction to what's happened, they might know of other resources you could use too.

If nothing else, keep posting, you are not alone.