What Do I do?

I am depressed. Really depressed. I have had episodes of depression on and off since the age of 4 (perhaps earlier but I don't remember much before age 4). I suspect the have ADHD although I'm not very hyperactive. I am really afraid to have a doctor poking his or her hands all over my body. I am really afraid to take drugs. I've tried going to church and thinking positively. I've read self-help books and all that. I'm really depressed because my baseball team is mucking up. They haven't won in some time. The other day they played for 7 hours--19 innings and lost. Every day I hope they will win but it's the same thing. My cat died about a year and a half ago. My mother died two and a half years ago. I'm old. I'm fat. I am a lousy worker. I live alone. I don't have any social life--although I seek it, most people I see just want to talk about their children and grandchildren. I don't drive. The people in my neighborhood pretty much stay with their families. They do good deeds and nice things for me but I don't want to be their welfare project I want to be their friend--although many of them don't have friends--just families. I live in Utah. When I was married I had a lot of expensive and painful tests to try to have a baby. I have to teach children in church. I don't like to do it because it reminds me of what I'll never have. I feel lousy about life and what the future holds.

Hello Gail, I'm sorry you're so depressed. If you see a therapist for your depression they will not be touching or poking you, that may be something to think about.
Have you tried to take part in the church activities? Perhaps there are other clubs in your area you could join?

Hi Gail, My heart goes out to you. I lost my precious soul-mate cat 2 years ago and I have not been the same person since. I've pretty much accepted that I never will be the same me.

Listen, I really believe you need to speak with a therapist and possibly a psychiatrist, too. They don't put their hands all over you, they just listen to you. A lot of people are afraid of meds, but perhaps a small dose of anti-depressant could brighten your world immeasurably.