[LelouchLamperouge]

It's 3:40 am and I'm still awake...My depression has gotten worse these past couple days and I've been feeling really down. I can't seem to take control of my life and it has been driving downhill quickly...The fall semester at my university starts this month and I haven't even so much as logged into my student account to see what my enrollment status is since I dropped out last semester. I'm pretty sure I wouldn't even be able to attend if I was able to because I'm pretty sure I won't receive financial aid to pay for my tuition since I dropped out last semester from my classes. Each time I think of logging into my student account, it just scares me and I end up putting it off...now it's to the point where classes for the university already start this month. My family thinks I will be attending this semester but I haven't told them yet...thinking about any of this just scares me and drives me into depression...I feel like I'm reaching the breaking point. I just want to give up and disappear...

[flours]

hi!
where I studied it was always possible to take a semester off because of health issues or similar. you also didn't have to pay then and could just start where you stopped one semester later. could you call somebody like a secretary or some counselor in your university and explain the situation to them and ask if you could take a break? maybe there is a possibility like that at your place, too and you just have to inform them.
I think there should generally be some official way to deal with an extended period of illness.

[LelouchLamperouge]

I looked on my university website and suppose the best path is for me to try and see a counselor or psychiatrist at the university. I have no one to blame but myself...but I've been really lacking the confidence and energy to get anything done...I've waited until the last moment when I realistically should have gotten my university things done back in May or June. I feel so negative about myself and what makes it worse is before my relapse this year, I was doing really well for myself in trying to finish my studies while working and living on my own. Now I feel like everything has turned completely upside down in my life and I can't grasp any of it.

[flours]

hey!
it doesn't matter what you have done in the past. it is more important what you do now and how you can manage things to be alright for you now.
if you already know somebody you can talk to that's great! so all you have to do is make that call or better go there. and if you need to exaggerate a bit about your situation, do that. it can be hard to tell from a depressed persons face how bad he is doing. sometimes pointing it out is necessary for making your pain visible to other people, that's why I'm saying it. and if they understand what is happening they will very likely want to help you.

[LelouchLamperouge]

I'm still at the beginning stages of trying to help myself from depression and my anxiety...I don't have anyone that I feel like I can talk to about it yet nor do I think I have the courage to. When I had depression and anxiety back in high school, I always kept a mask on and bottled everything up inside. I never bothered myself to try and seek help back then. I wish I could talk to my parents about it but I feel like they would not understand me or take me seriously and I don't feel like I'm ready for that yet...to confess my problems to friends and family members...I want to go see a psychiatrist. I hope I can bring myself to do it and not end up backing out.

[flours]

just call there and ask what you have to do to get an appointment quickly and tell them too that you need help immediately. you don't need to feel bad about doing so because for them it's just everyday business. it's their job to help you. but I made the experience that sometimes you have to insist on getting help right now so they realize it's serious.

[ThisWayOut]

I dropped many classes throughout my university career because I was overwhelmed with depression. I was seeing someone at the university counseling center though, so I had their help in making sure things got filed correctly. I would support fleur's suggestion to sell help from someone at school that would know the procedures. The Dean of students office is a good place to start to inquire about your enrollment status. They can then point you to other pertinent puerile our offices. Try to avoid giving to much info to any student workers there though, as they likely went have much info for you. If your school had a health services and offers mental health assistance, they would also be a good point of contact but likely will only serve you if you are currently a student. I went through a few semesters of having only one super easy class with a note from the therapist that it was all they felt I could safely handle. I went to school across the country from where I grew up, and it would have been detrimental for me not to continue living far away from home. My t agreed and helped me maintain enrollment at the bare minimum level so I could still see her and remain in state. I did this more than one semester, and the school was ok with it because they knew what was going on. I did lose some financial aid, but only that which was connected to being in a certain number of credit courses a semester. I was able to keep other financial aid and grants to help with the cost of school.
Just let them know what is going on. Often times they will bend over backwards to help you out as long add they are in the loop.

Email is my problem. When I start feeling worse or anxious, I can't open emails, and as my pile worsens, so does my anxiety. Last year I didn't log in on my student email account for months. I finally went through the pile with a therapist. She sat next to me and watched as I deleted the stuff that I didn't need (anymore) and listened to me thinking aloud, and it helped a lot. I couldn't have done it without her. In the end there were only a handful of emails left and I started with over 120.

Do you have a T, a friend, or someone who can do this with you?

I wish you strenght.

Breadfish

[Vossie42]

I've been in a similar situation where I ended up having to drop 3 out of 4 classes for the spring semester this year. I was devastated about that on top of all the depression and anxiety I was experiencing for other reasons. My financial aid got screwed up since I didn't maintain the minimum number of credit hours for spring. I spoke to people in the Students With Disabilities office, financial aid office, and academic advising. I told them I was having serious problems and asked them what were my options. All three departments worked with me to get things squared away as best as possible given the circumstances. It wasn't perfect, but it was good enough.

If you need a starting point, go to your academic advisor. They've encountered this situation a million times before and can help you get things sorted out. Or you can go to the counseling center if your school has one. See about getting special accommodations for your depression. You will probably need to get a letter from a counselor stating that you have depression, are being treated for it (even if it is only just now that you're being treated), and that you need longer to finish assignments and take tests. Figure out what courses you can take this semester. Find out what impact the last semester has on your financial aid. Consider taking the only one or two easy classes this semester. Or you could take the semester off as someone else suggested. I urge you to get a therapist and get evaluated by a psychiatrist to see if medications would be an appropriate for you.

You have a lot to do but it is doable. I think it's possible to get all this done in the next two weeks. I assume that your classes start on August 25th?

PS: I was doing so well until the bottom fell out of my life last November. I'm back on track now though not on my original timetable. Oh well. I just want to give you hope that things can get better. It doesn't happen quickly, but it does happen.

Originally Posted by alexchong

It's 3:40 am and I'm still awake...My depression has gotten worse these past couple days and I've been feeling really down. I can't seem to take control of my life and it has been driving downhill quickly...The fall semester at my university starts this month and I haven't even so much as logged into my student account to see what my enrollment status is since I dropped out last semester. I'm pretty sure I wouldn't even be able to attend if I was able to because I'm pretty sure I won't receive financial aid to pay for my tuition since I dropped out last semester from my classes. Each time I think of logging into my student account, it just scares me and I end up putting it off...now it's to the point where classes for the university already start this month. My family thinks I will be attending this semester but I haven't told them yet...thinking about any of this just scares me and drives me into depression...I feel like I'm reaching the breaking point. I just want to give up and disappear...

Perhaps what all of this is telling you, alexchong, is this is not the direction you really want to be going in your life at this point in time. Perhaps you're at this university at this time in your life studying whatever it is you're studying, more because this is what other people are expecting of you.

There's a wonderful little book titled: Let Your Life Speak- Listening for the Voice of Vocation. In it the author, Parker Palmer, writes: before we decide what we want to do with our lives, we should discern what it is our lives intend to do with us. In other words, before we start planning out what it is we're going to do in life, we should try to come to an understanding of what our particular skills, interests & limitations are.

To offer a blatantly simple example: don't go looking for a job climbing ladders if you can't stand being off of the ground. It sounds obvious enough. But I think many of us just do what we think is expected of us rather than to really think about what it is we would like to do & what it is we would be good at given our personal strengths & weaknesses. Good luck!

P.S. If you haven't yet done so... check your enrollment status!

[lilypup]

Yup, it's better to just open that portal and receive the news...then you can deal with it. The anticipation is almost always worse then the facts. I agree with the above posters, the university has seen this situation a thousand times and they have plans in place to handle it. A LOT of kids get depressed in college, it is very common.

[imtrying]

I suffer from depression and anxiety and I understand completely your inability to pick up the phone or open an email. People tell me "just do it." I can't. And I really can't tell you why. Part of it is that I've isolated myself from my friends and most of my family. I love them and they are supportive but I'm too tired to talk to them. The depression was so debilitating that I lost my dream job. I find the only way I can even start doing something, i.e., call disability, fill out a claim form, I have to take medication for anxiety. And it usually takes me a few days to get to the point that I take the med. When the anxiety is under control I can act. I take medication for depression. Usually this reduces anxiety also however it hasn't in my particular case. Right now your health is more important than missing a semester or two. I'm sure you'll find your college's counseling center very helpful. Be kind to yourself. You have an illness. If you had to miss a semester because you broke your leg you wouldn't blame yourself. If you are unable to make the appointment with a doctor, ask a friend to do so. Or call a hotline. That's what I did and they helped me. I wish you the best.

[bla88]

when i feel like that, which is often, i usually go to sleep